Sexism in married names sticks

Gender equality is at a crossroads and I don’t think many women – and men – will like the shape of it.

The recent judgment by the Free State High Court in Bloemfontein to allow men to take the surnames of their wives will have serious repercussions on family relations.

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Since it challenges the cultural and traditional beliefs of many people, it raises the question: who should pay lobola? In most cases, it is the man who pays lobola – even though many women have secretly paid their own lobola by giving their husbands money.

A woman is often “adopted” into her husband’s family and is expected to take his surname. It is taboo for a man to move in with his wife.

The ruling came after two husbands were allowed to use the surnames of their wives after the court overturned the provisions of an outdated law which prohibited this.

A section of the Births and Registration Act, which prohibited a husband from taking his wife’s surname upon marriage, was found to be discriminatory on the grounds of gender.

The court has given parliament two years to remedy the Births and Deaths Registration Act, which it found unconstitutional in that it prohibits men from assuming the surnames of their wives.

It’s been many years since there was a legal and cultural shift around women keeping their surnames when they married. But many women who marry still opt to change their surname to their husband’s.

As much as we’ve made so many gains and transformed the way people think about gender, those ideologies are very hard to undo.

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Many young women I spoke to acknowledge the sexist roots of this tradition, but still plan to take their husband’s surname anyway.

Their reasoning is that it’s easier to go along with tradition and that they want to have the same surname as their children. Some also said their spouse would want them to do it.

Even though rapper Jay-Z did it in 2008, few women ever consider having their husband take their surname.

Jay-Z changed his real name to Shawn Knowles-Carter when he married Beyoncé to continue the Knowles line since her parents didn’t have any sons.

But most women would consider the idea of a man taking a wife’s surname as “emasculating” and may describe him as “sbari makoti” (a guy who has less domination in the marriage).

While the courts may try to address gender inequality, will women – and men – embrace equality without rocking the marriage boat? I wonder…