Blimey, a blow to blasters

Cliff Buchler.

Cliff Buchler.

Sporting events have become musical spectacles some to the good, but others?

Like the horrid vuvuzela sound at soccer matches. Poor ardent fans seated in close proximity of the blowers have their eardrums shattered by a noise from hell.

There’s no way you’re able to concentrate on and enjoy a game with that deafening racket plumb in your bubble.

Let’s face it, with the vuvuzela it’s impossible for the blower to properly watch the proceedings on the field.

This poses the question: what part of the game do the thousands of blowers actually witness? Cricket has also been inflicted with irritants of its own.

Take St George’s Park in Port Elizabeth. Fans have to put up with a traditional band (sic) churning out the same tunes year after year.

It drives cricketers, umpires and commentators dilly but, being a gentleman’s game, they don’t openly admit to it.

Is there an answer to these irritating distractions?

Here’s one solution: presuming music is here to stay, let’s find another instrument to replace the vuvuzela.

One that can even accompany the likes of Dozi’s limp Ou Ryperd, or Kurt Darren’s sinking Kaptein. And, a vital prerequisite, an instrument that can be played while watching a match in comfort.

It’s small and handy to carry and easy to play. And its sounds are by no means jarring and can pick up on any lyrics. Even on our national anthem.

And if I had my way, it would replace the instruments used at St George’s Park with an added incentive: every member of the band will be given one as a free gift.

This instrument is taking off in a big way in the UK and is being used by musicians and commoners alike. Music outlets can’t keep up. It’s the ukulele.

The name means “jumping flea”. It’s a tiny, four-stringed Hawaiian guitar with a distinctive sound made famous by George Formby with a ditty called Cleaning Windows.

Turned loose in our stadia it will put paid to the vuvuzela forever, bringing back some semblance of normality to sport.

Local music shops are advised to stock up on jumping fleas and be part of my sound revolution.

Even our partying sports minister will string along.


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