I don’t really care that the court case in Canada against the Huawei chief financial officer, Meng Wanzhou, has cast a cloud of tension over trade talks between Donald Trump and the Chinese.
As far as I’m concerned, they can lock her up and throw the keys away.
In my eyes, she is guilty of something much worse than violating American sanctions: she works for a company that makes millions off cellphones and I hate the pestilential things.
The world has too many phones and we don’t need any more.
“You’re like the Dementors in the Harry Potter books,” the lovely Snapdragon told me this week. “You suck all the joy out of life.”
She can’t talk. Not with her addiction to her phone. That’s probably where she read that insult in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, phones have a place. They can make life easier for some very busy people. And my phone keeps me in touch with my son and my mother in Cape Town, which is occasionally a good thing.
But I’m not convinced it adds anything positive to my life.
My capacity to make an idiot of myself is boundless – I need no assistance from a portable electronic device.
Cellphones have more often than not been the cause of some bitter arguments in our house. They addict people, devour time, good manners and civilised conversation.
And they encourage terrible posture in children. Since the two-year-old Egg has discovered that you can watch Peppa Pig on a phone, she looks more like a Ninja Turtle every day, thanks to Meng and company.
I was once robbed of a cellphone at knifepoint in Bloemfontein’s CBD and I felt violated when that happened. But it was no match for my amusement when Snapdragon’s phone got stolen in a local mall.
I tried to phone it immediately, but she had it on “silent” mode.
To this day, I’m convinced this incident inspired Beyonce to sing “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it”.
Maybe I’m just a killjoy. And it’s possible that I’m not cellphone-worthy, as Snapdragon claims.
But I’ll watch the Meng Wanzhou case closely.
You go, Canadians!