The men of our generation need to reflect on their patriarchal tendencies

This is something I’ve always wanted to say, not knowing where I would find the words that could encompass everything that I wanted to say and truly express how I feel.

So in my six hundred plus words, let me try.

The core of this, in case I digress is, when did, how and why are men of my generation so patriarchal that it borders on being self-serving and oppressive in nature?

I guess my confusion stems from the fact that, most of the members of what is now termed “youth group” aged, 18-35 were raised at a time where women’s rights and the agreement was that the place of the woman was not solely in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.

I mean women like Madikizela-Mandela, Ruth First, and Helen Suzman were a force to be reckoned with.

The place of the woman could never be undermined. Through the years, though dad was the head of the house, mom was the neck and hair.

We knew dad was the leader but even he knew there were lines he did not cross with mom. She commanded a certain respect that even he bowed to.

We are of an age when our mothers were the puppet masters but were never really vocal about their influence, but we all knew it existed. Sort of like the Rupert’s, if you know what I mean.

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Jump to 2022, when every second person is getting married because you do not want to be seen as the one who “couldn’t succeed in life.”

Even those who are not equipped emotionally to share a life with another are now hosting weddings and graduating to the table of family men from the bachelor play area. But, alas, they forget to bring the correct etiquette along, all aboard for a bumpy and very uncomfortable ride.

I heard someone say to his wife the other day: “I paid lobola, I expect…”, then on another day we hear of men who throw their toys out the cot because wives have gone and enjoyed a night out with their girlfriends.

They’ve essentially done what many men do every week and its seen as unacceptable because she wears a bra and he doesn’t.

I expect this oppressive drivel from a man who is closer to death in age.

This is the young and enlightened generation. We grew up being taught that we are equals, we played side by side, walking into any room, we commanded equal attention because schools reinforced that we were no different to each other.

Ten fifteen years later, we get married and all of a sudden women have a “special place?” I’m sorry but I did not get that fix of the oppressive drug, and I still choose not to have some. Thank you for the offer.

The modern, mostly city man, is actually a very oppressive man, with crude innuendos, neglecting responsibilities and burdening the woman who must carry his load, while remembering to submit to his every (un)reasonable whim, demanding but never giving respect and honour.

Yes sure, lead the house while I regress back into childhood, but remember your place when I do make those occasional appearances as the family man when society gazes its view on us as a family.

This man, this one that finds himself in every second household, creating discomfort for women and children who grow up with absent and detached fathers, where did he find his blueprint?

What principality is this man modelled on and for crying in a shiny galvanized steel bucket, when can we all acknowledge that truly in the year

2022 there is no place for this sort of man? Going into Father’s Day weekend, may the men of our generation ponder on this.