Love and marriage shouldn’t come at the cost of a woman’s sanity

South Africa is celebrating a union we knew nothing about, but are elated that it has escalated to nuptials. Former Miss Universe Zozibini Tunzi got married last Saturday.

Actress Candice Modiselle also celebrated her wedding and the internet was just as elated.

It was clear and evident – in the reaction to these unions – that despite the negativity around marriage, there are still firm believers in the sanctity of marriage.

I speak as a black woman, wife and mother. We want and deserve better. For years, there has been an unwritten expectation that black women must be more than they can be.

They must weather the storms of marriages filled with infidelity, see the faces of their husbands in faces of neighbourhood children.

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They must go toe-to-toe with the mistresses of their husbands, then turn right around and survive the abuse of husbands and their families.

Then, at the very end of it all, be celebrated as women who held their families together when the people who threatened to tear down the family were their spouses. Where is the partnership?

That being said, when someone walks away from a situation that no longer makes them happy, we must respect them enough without having to ask and point fingers to a situation that we were never privy to its intimacies.

This is because it is these societal pressures that add fuel to an already blazing fire – and it’s unfortunate how children also suffer in these instances.

Courts become weapons which people use to terrorise each other, mariticide or uxoricide is disguised as farm murders.

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An acquaintance died recently and without knowing the real cause of death, economics and her recent divorce have come as the reason for her death.

It is suspected that she lost her job and feelings of despondency overtook reasoning and she ended her life because her ex-husband would have made her life a living hell because she has custody of their children.

This would possibly lead to a renewed custody fight to amend an existing parenting plan, or a fight in the maintenance court to increase his contribution, in lieu of her next employment contract.

For better, for worse – worse becomes an everyday reality even post separation.

We love, but love has become unkind and this is what we call dying for love. May we have the mental and emotional strength going into marriages, to understand that any end is possible.

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