Let’s grab the Guptas bronco style

As a youngster, I was besotted with American Westerns screened at the local bughouse.

Two characters had my prepubescent attention; the thought of girls simmering. The editor of the local newspaper, Dry Gulch Gazette, set the text by hand and laboriously ran off copies on a manual press. He was depicted as a cynical and cantankerous individual who fearlessly editorialised the bad happenings in town. Never popular, but respected by a motley community.

You must wonder why I chose a newspaper career with such characters in charge. At one time I played that role, probably hoping to emulate the one of my youthful imaginings. The other individual who had my attention was the
Bounty Hunter. Tall, long smileless jawline and dressed entirely in black, including a long coat and high boots. A wide-brimmed Stetson hid his features.

He was on the lookout for rewards from banks for crooks who had made off with loot and were hiding in some distant town where they were considered an asset for spreading their wealth and were, therefore, protected from the sheriff’s posse. Bounty hunters were more effective as they surreptitiously entered a town and ferreted out the crooks.

They were paid handsomely for bringing back the loot.

Fast forward. South Africa, aka Dry Gulch because of its junk status, has been robbed by sneaky brothers Gupta who, in one foul swoop, hijacked the country. I say, call in the bounty hunters, provide them with false passports (easy through home affairs – ask the Guptas), send them in jets from Voortrekkerhoogte, where the covert drill is down to a fine art, to the countries where the elusive brothers are hiding.

The bounty hunters will intimidate the bank authorities into releasing the monies and telling where the boets are holed up.

Then back to the jet and Voortrekkerhoogte with the trio in tow.

Ratel-like transport to Pollsmoor idles alongside the aircraft.

The Guptas won’t end up on Boot Hill, but a place far from the Taj Mahal or the Sandown shebeen. Then, they’ll likely meet up with their main conduit of old.

Imagine a reunion munching dry bread and downing water, Sun City and double weddings just memories. A sure scoop for Dry Gulch Gazette.

Cliff Buchler.

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