Is this the end of the funeral business as we know it?

No sooner do you think you’ve seen and heard all of the strangest or weirdest things in our world gone bossies, another pops up to shake up your diminishing brain cells.

A drive-through funeral parlour in Japan. Say, what? This rather dismal-sounding innovation caters for those with limited time to attend the formal service or those with physical disabilities.

The foxy undertakers also take into account folk who don’t believe in the whole shebang of ceremonies praising and eulogising over the departed, who they often consider questionable characters. At the same time, they may still want to show empathy toward the grieving family without actually pitching at the grave event.

So, voila! A drive-through. According to a publicity piece, it allows would-be mourners to stop their cars next to a window and enter their names and addresses on a device handed over by a waiting receptionist. They then hand over their condolence offering and give incense (in the case of Buddhists). The faces of the mobile folk and their offerings are shown on screens in the funeral home for formal mourners to espy. Can’t help wondering whether the scenes distract from the formalities. Perhaps even offering better entertainment?

I bet our own wily gold-, sorry gravediggers, will take note of this innovation and follow suit. I mean, they’re already offering all sorts of incentives to keep the archaic funeral rites alive in the face of competition from organ-donor organisations, bypassing the necessity of caskets and other fancy gadgetry costing an arm and a leg.

To me, it makes more sense to rather donate the arm and a leg, and other parts of the body, to assist the living. Retinas are also in demand. So why let these useful parts rot, or burn up?

Don’t be surprised if eateries get on the burial bandwagon, supplying food to drive-through “mourners”.

Major brands could do a roaring trade once the idea caught on. They could combine forces with the parlours and have specials, like “peri-peri nuggets to die for”. Or “marinated wings & legs in the Colonel’s casket”.

Adverts plugging the products can also feature on the screens. A kiosk within the parlour can supply the same nosh to the real mourners.

Can’t get more bossies, eh?

Cliff Buchler.

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