How to break the toxic masculinity mould

For a species so enamoured with being rational, we sure do love to cling to irrationality.

Sometimes, this is done knowingly – like the irrational attitudes we hold in support of our favourite team that is wholly mediocre on every level – but more often than not our irrationality seeps out in our behaviour without much consideration.

Given just how complex our world is, we tend to rely on a simplified internal model of society, freeing up much of our thinking to more important matters.

But this comes with a trade-off: the more we rely on mental shortcuts (heuristics) to navigate the world, the more stereotypes can influence us.

We simplify a complex world by relying on mental shortcuts. However, this shortcutting comes at a cost: the more we lean on these internal models, the more we’re influenced by stereotypes.

And for men, this can be particularly harmful, impacting not only how they are perceived but also how they experience and express their mental and physical well-being.

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In this whirlwind of societal pressures and outdated ideals, it’s no wonder men often struggle to prioritise their own health. Stereotypes are the lifeblood of prejudice.

Anyone who wields a stereotype to treat someone differently (whether good or bad) is acting wholly irrationally. Racism, for example, is a cascade of stereotypes about people who look different to us, leading us to alter how we behave and treat others.

No matter the group, stereotypes are dangerous and harmful. Luckily, we have recognised this and, as a society, have been actively fighting against this kind of erroneous thinking, promoting a more understanding and equitable society.

Toxic masculinity is what happens when men and women both believe and internalise the stereotypes assigned to “manhood”.

Many have come to believe that men must be stoic, commanding, dominant, aggressive, competitive, and strong, among many other tired cliches.

Failure to live up to these traits, we believe, will risk exclusion and ridicule.

As a result, many men act against their own best interests, preferring rather to maintain the facade of masculinity than seek out help. And help is what we, as men, desperately need.

Among all global populations, South African men have the 167th worst life expectancy out of 193 countries. The country’s Aids epidemic’s toll has stunted our nation’s life expectancy.

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But the epidemic also frames the destructive trend facing men’s health: in acknowledgement of the toll of Aids, it is concerning to note that, despite being twice as prevalent among women, South Africa’s men still fare much worse than their female counterparts.

And it comes down to preventable causes. If one of the single most devastating diseases cannot account for men’s worse life expectancies, we should really begin to ask some difficult questions and stop ignoring the silent disregard smothering men.

Two trends are depressingly emblematic of this neglect and stigma: prostate cancer and mental health.

Where activism surrounding breast cancer has grown and led to significant awareness and an uptake in screenings, prostate cancer remains a somewhat socially uncomfortable topic.

However, in South Africa, prostate cancer is more deadly than breast cancer (22 deaths per 100 000 men when compared to 16 deaths per 100 000 women). This is not because prostate cancer itself is more dangerous, but because men are worse at taking preventative steps to tackle the disease.

What we need to do now, is inform men of the prevalence of these diseases, their risks and symptoms. The pink ribbon for women has played a key role in the success of awareness campaigns surrounding breast cancer, driving the message that early detection saves lives.

During the month of November, a moustache symbolises the same call to action, as is being spearheaded by the Mens Foundation’s Brovember campaign.

In terms of mental health, approximately 21 South Africans take their own life every day. Of these, 17-18 are men.

This is not a peculiarity of South African life, as men globally are more likely to take their own lives, pointing to the truth that this is, in fact, a gendered issue.

Given the stigma behind men talking about their struggles, the pandemic of male suicides remains unsurprising.

Men avoid confronting the problems at hand because they feel that they would not be taken seriously, that their role in society is that of a martyr and provider, and that others’ problems are worse than their own (thereby giving them no right to complain).

Then there is the fear of vulnerability: opening up and discussing mental health concerns or potential corporal weaknesses contravenes the stereotypes we hold men too, particularly ones of strength and stoicism.

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While organisations like Lifeline provide valuable resources, they often fall short of addressing the unique experiences men face.

That is why we need more resources like that to be provided by the Men’s Foundation SA, which hopes to launch a 24/7 toll-free hotline dedicated to men’s suicide, prostate cancer support, and for men who are victims domestic violence.

Let’s not allow toxic stereotypes to continue killing our brothers, fathers, husbands, uncles and sons. Sometimes, simply growing a moustache during the month of November is all it takes to create a safe space for men to start having these important conversations with one another.

• Gsell is CEO of the Mens Foundation SA