How to remember my name

Several years ago, I met a girl called Kestrel. Pretty name, I thought, certainly unforgettable… until the next time I saw her. Yes, I’d forgotten.

Carnivore on wings, I thought to myself in a panic. “Eagle,” I said aloud. She stared at me blankly. “Raptor! Hawk! Vulture!” Nothing. “Well, whatever bird of prey you are,” I continued sulkily. “Kestrel,” she said quietly, looking dejected. Oh, the mortification.

I still wince. Afterwards, I said Kestrel to myself 17 times over, because Mrs Maguire in high school told me if you repeated something 17 times you’d never forget it. This strategy is not terribly efficient at a cocktail party, however. So why couldn’t I remember? Why am I so rotten with names?

Forgetting a name feels like the height of rudeness, giving the impression that this person is not significant enough to have made an impact. But even though I’d forgotten Kestrel’s name, I could’ve told her where she works, that she loves reading, and that she doesn’t drink.

I know too that she’s married, with no kids. Her name though? Falcon? Owl? Nope. Then recently I read an explanation for why we forget names, for which I must give credit to, um, whatisname… Derik? Blogger?

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New York Times bestselling author? Eric! Eric Barker, of the excellent blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree. The issue, he says, is that people’s names are uniquely arbitrary. It’s called the Baker/ baker paradox, where you can’t remember the surname Baker, but you can remember that someone works as a baker, because we have many pre-existing associations with bakers: crusty loaves, fresh bread smells, deliciousness.

Those things stick. But, unless they are a baker, a person’s name is a completely random word, so the brain cannot simply insert a helpful synonym, like it might do for anything else: baker, chef, foodie.

Apparently when we can’t remember we need to give our grey matter a literal minute because most brain farts unblock in 60 seconds. Failing that, work through the alphabet – the first letter is usually the hook we need.

Still, it’s no help when you run into whatserface. “No, I didn’t forget you at all, just your random arbitrary name. Condor, is it? Pterodactyl?”

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