Going to Heaven: Pie in the sky, or the stuff of dreams?

The subject of heaven was never open for discussion in my circle. Questions popping up in a maturing brain were frowned upon with the admonishment that “you accept heaven in faith”.

Why? I ask you. The promise of heaven and the fear of its antithesis (called hell) are part and parcel of most religions. 

So why not seek clarity on both ‘hereafter’ locations as to the where, what and how?

If I’m to tolerate, even love my horrible neighbours, it’s only fair I know how and where I’m rewarded.

Cheekily I appoint myself devil’s advocate by asking questions that hopefully make us think logically and not those posed by advocate Dali Mpofu when questioning Jacob Zuma’s incarceration.

For starters, where is heaven situated? High in the sky as often depicted? A huge cloud? A humongous open-plan building? Or some far-off planet with conventional homes?

And what do heavenly beings look like? Earthly bodies are left to the worms or incinerators, so the replacements should take a form recognisable to friends and family.

The conversing? What’s there to talk about?

Politics infra dig because dropping names like Zuma, Malema and Niehaus in a sanctified pristine environment is highly insulting. Sex? No need to multiply. Or is there?

See, another fair question. Sport is probably a strong possibility except if your cricket team is see-sawing against Bangladesh.

Disappointment and disgust are unwelcome elements.

Activities? If living quarters are like earthly homes, there’s housework and gardening. No lawn mowing, I pray.

Selfishly I hope there’s a Paradise Citizen with my earthy workmates manning ye olde Linotype setting machines and making up pages the old-fashioned way.

And my mentor Brian M who coerced me into journalism still blue penciling reporters’ copy.

With luck I’ll get a lift on a cloud accompanied by a harp-playing cherub. My mom-in-law would be pleasantly shocked as she had her doubts about my eligibility for the long haul.

But hey, with our collective brain and body, both indisputable miracles, maybe we’re evolving towards heaven on earth?

We’re on a learning curve, pioneers of a new dispensation requiring another million years to perfect?

Homo sapiens experiencing the real seventh heaven?

I picture mom-in-law vigorously shaking her head.

So, in the final analysis, she’s probably veracious: the faith of believers is the sole key unlocking the mystery of heaven.

Failing that, a hung jury the only outcome – the same awaiting the Zuma miscarriage.