Fathers’ mental health in the face of neurodiversity

Recently, as South Africa celebrated Mental Health Awareness Month, an event I attended about raising children with neurodiversity left me searching for hope in despair.

The event was a Fathers of Children with Neurodiversity (FCN) retreat. I was present not in the capacity of a father, but as a facilitator, invited to provide guidance and support as these fathers shared stories of their trials and tribulations in bringing up children with special needs.

Neurodiversity is a term that celebrates the natural variations in how human brains function, learn and behave.

It embraces the idea that each brain is unique and these differences, seen in conditions like autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dysgraphia and other neurodivergent conditions, are a normal part of human diversity.

For neurodivergent individuals, coping with the conditions can be quite challenging, as several parents attested to while recounting their stories during the fathers retreat.

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One parent, for instance, told how he was battling to raise his child who experiences co-occurring conditions, such as depression and anxiety at much higher rates than their neurotypical peers.

The situation can equally be dire for parents whose children show symptoms of autism, sensory or emotional overload. This can lead to shutdowns – moments when they withdraw and become less responsive.

“Social isolation is a big issue,” said one parent, adding that differences in communication and social interaction styles meant that his child often struggles to build and maintain friendships.

“This struggle, combined with societal stigma and prejudice, can lead to bullying, exclusion and misunderstanding.”

The emotional toll of constantly having to defend their children’s needs can lead to exhaustion, increased stress, feelings of social isolation and loneliness, and depression on the part of these fathers.

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Sadly, the stigma surrounding mental health issues, particularly when it comes to these fathers, remains largely overlooked.

A 2022 study conducted in South Africa by Sarosha Pillay and colleagues, published in the journal, Autism, revealed a pattern of damage control in dealing with the condition.

The study noted that services for autism spectrum disorder were being overlooked as a result of competing pressures on available resources by society.

More disconcerting is that the majority of South African schools are not yet sufficiently equipped to address the career transition needs of neurodivergent children.

No matter the unique potential the children may have, their talents are often stifled in a world that often prioritises conformity over uniqueness. This makes the challenge of raising such children even more insurmountable.

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Generally, society often expects parents to be the unwavering pillars of strength, to shoulder family burdens without flinching.

This expectation neglects the mental health needs and well-being of these parents, who, like anyone else, need support.

Society’s response – prejudice, misinformation and lack of support – presents the most significant challenges to these fathers, their children and their families.

This is often compounded by financial stress because raising a neurodivergent child often comes with additional expenses in the form of specialised therapies, educational support, and adaptive technologies.

Fathers at the UJ Island retreat recounted how they often have to do multiple jobs or sacrifice career opportunities to ensure their children receive the care and support that they require.

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It was heartening, though, hearing how fathers are determined despite the stereotypes and prejudice.

They have adopted what they call, Project Echo, a collaborative model designed to bridge gaps in information and create sustainable support networks for the neurodiverse community.

Their aim is to shift societal perceptions and influence policies to foster more inclusivity and equity.

Their message is one of hope, urging us to embrace true diversity – the kind that includes all shades of humanity and enriches our collective experience.

They remind us that diversity is not just an ideal; it is a necessity for building a compassionate and forward-thinking society.

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– Dr Chiedu Eseadi is a lecturer in the department of educational psychology, University of Johannesburg. He writes in his personal capacity