Dear Santa, please make corruption disappear

Dear Santa, I’m worried about you this festive season. It can’t be a joke delivering presents in South Africa.

For starters, we have severe heat that can be unpleasant for a bearded fellow in a red coat. But my main concern is crime. I dread the day that I read on The Citizen’s front page that your sled has been hijacked, your reindeer have been nabbed by livestock thieves and all our presents have been stolen at gunpoint.

Insure your equipment, have a tracking device installed and microchip those deer.

I don’t know if you have noticed, but the metro police in Gauteng are everywhere. Their job is a tough one and some of the work they do is important, such as occasionally taking a few minutes off revenue generation to make our roads safer.

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I know many South African families put a beer or two out to make your hard work more tolerable, but we have a problem with drinking and driving in this country.

Some people would suggest that you keep a bit of cash on hand – I’m told that a few blue notes can go a long way in making metro officers disappear. I don’t condone bribery. Rather have a cooler box installed on your sleigh and enjoy those beers later.

And are you keeping a close eye on your elves? Corruption is the scourge of modern business. I don’t want to frame anyone but if any of them have the surname Gupta, keep a close eye on them.

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Having said that, I urge you to make sure they have working conditions appropriate for the 21st century. Do you pay them a living wage and are your workshops heated? If you fail to look after them, loyalty is a bit much to expect – it’s just human nature and I don’t expect elf nature to be any different.

Then there is Covid. Sanitise, social distance and make sure you and all your elves are vaccinated.

When that is all done, I hope to see you tomorrow evening. I know I haven’t sent you a wish list yet, but there’s not much I need. If you can make corruption disappear, ensure that we get quality education, healthcare and job opportunities, if crime can disappear and our economy can begin to grow, I’ll be delighted.

It’s not that much to ask, is it?

Regards, Dirk.