Bad decisions always seem to backfire on me

From where I stand, it seems that others don’t always have to pay the price for their stupidity. But bad decisions always seem to boomerang on me.

A while ago, my boss decided that we had to host an informal athletics meeting as a sort of team building. And as the highlight, I had to run against another guy. One that’s several years younger than me. One that doesn’t chain smoke. And one that is a runner.

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Anyone with two brain cells would have declined. Not me. I embraced the challenge with gusto. I planned to start training and to stop smoking. I really did. But, as John Lennon famously said: “Life is what happens while you make other plans.”

So I didn’t train at all. And I smoke more than ever. Which is a bit of a problem because the race is tomorrow.

“I’ll have to wake up early, but I’ll definitely be there,” the lovely Snapdragon told me last night. “It’s a big thing – you know how I love to sleep on Saturday mornings.”

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I was touched. “Thank you,” I said. “There is nothing like the support of a good woman.” “No, you don’t understand,” she said. “I’m not going to support you. I am sure this will be an opportunity to laugh and laugh and laugh.”

I’m afraid she’s right. She will laugh. At me. “I’m going too,” the little Egg said. “But I’m not running any races. I’m just going for the food and the jumping castle.

“The teacher made us run around the sports field last term, and that’s more than enough running for one year. Running makes me tired.”

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I’m afraid running is going to exhaust me tomorrow. If I don’t suffer a heart attack or break a hip. Tonight, I’ll take my running vest and spikes out of the mothballs. I’ll shake the dust off my tracksuit and collect all the bandages, plasters and ointment for sore muscles in the house.

Feigning an injury is not an option – it’s too predictable, and too many of my colleagues expect this strategy. I’ll have to grin and bear it. Sometimes, you just have to be accountable for your own decisions.

The only problem is that I know too well that I’ll learn nothing from it. I’m sure I’ll make other stupid decisions before this year is over. It’s guaranteed.

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