April Fool’s is obsolete: Our real news is already absurd

I reserve a particular loathing for April Fool’s Day.

There are two reasons; we don’t do it well and the news is so outrageous and awful that it’s worse that what might seem impossible in any sane society is playing out in front of us.

There’s only one April Fool’s wheeze that I’ve enjoyed. Years ago, the SABC ran a story that South Africa would have two time zones, split down the middle in Kimberley.

I was living in Kimberley at the time which is probably why it resonated with me.

The reporters went out and spoke to bemused people in one part of the city (who would now be one hour behind and in the same zone as Cape Town) and then went to the other side and spoke to those who would be one hour ahead (in the same zone as Joburg).

It was wonderful and it worked because even though it was farcical and improbable, it wasn’t impossible. The best part is that the gag was harmless.

Six years ago, the broadcaster tried it again – this time under the ruse of saving time because of load shedding.

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It bombed because load shedding has never been a joke, not even the ridiculous excuses we used to get like wet coal.

Last Tuesday was 1 April, but a week later we’re dealing with real stories that ought to be too fantastical to be true, like tiny Lesotho starting the week with 50% tariffs on anything it exports to the US, especially the golf shirts and other apparel Basotho seamstresses manufacture for US President Donald Trump’s golf clubs.

Then there’s the VAT increase. Never mind what ActionSA says it did last week to help the last kicks of the GNU pass a budget and avoid a VAT increase, I was deluged immediately afterwards by everyone from banks to medical aids, insurance companies and even streaming services duly informing me that I would be hit with an increase as of 1 May.

Say it ain’t 1 April, say it ain’t so, Joe. But it isn’t and it is. So, a desperate appeal to media – mainstream and community, influencers and content creators, fight the urge next year.

We don’t need April Fool’s stories; we have enough fake news. Not for nothing has dystopian fiction been moved to current affairs in all the best bookshops.

Reality is far worse than anything you can come up with.

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