Sibusiso Mkwanazi
2 minute read
4 Oct 2013
6:00 am

Home is where the fart is

Sibusiso Mkwanazi

There are certain things that we only do when we are in the comfort of our own company, and for me, these include "singing", taking pride in my white folk dancing skills and acting out a scene or two from some of my favourite films.

Supplied picture

“You want answers?”… “I want the truth”…”You can’t handle the truth!” (Homer from The Simpsons, and maybe also a line from A Few Good Men).

I have conducted some quantitative research and the findings are to be expected: we are often on our best behaviour only when there are other humans around.

Apparently, for some people solitude means they can free themselves of society’s grip and just let rip, literally, as a number of people claim to fart out loud whenever they are alone. Poor pets. A large number of my friends, family and colleagues confirmed what I suspected all along: they are crazy.

They talk to themselves, mostly in preparation for important conversations that they are going to have later on in the day (“So, how am I going to tell Vusi that I’m pregnant, with twins? Must I say ‘My love, I am late’? But what if he asks what for?”).

It turns out another thing we don’t want others to know is that we enjoy eating like pigs, shoving food into our mouths at unbelievable rates. What seemed to be on almost everyone’s list of activities that are affront to civilised society was something that wastes water, soap, electricity and other precious resources: bathing.

This is the last thing on your mind whenever you have taken a week’s leave and decided to do nothing but stay at home. Good for you on saving our environment.

Thanks to the 19 new political parties registered on a national level with the Independent Electoral Commission over the last nine months, we can add voting for some unknown and largely irrelevant party to this list.

How many people do you think will openly declare that they are going to vote for the Economic Freedom Fighters, the Socialist Party or the Lekgotla for Democracy Advancement?

I am not sure which is more embarrassing, letting people know you are seriously considering voting for parties such as the Bolsheviks Party of South Africa, the Nationalist Coloured Party and the First Indigenous Nations Civic Association of South Africa, or that you cry when you go through recorded episodes of The Simpsons.