‘I cry silently at night for him’ – widow of SANDF soldier killed in DRC

The wife of one of the 13 South Africa soldiers killed Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) conflict never imagined she would be a 30-year-old widow with three young children.

Jessica Strydom would have celebrated her 12th wedding anniversary with her high school sweetheart, Pieter Strydom, 34, who bled to death after fleeing from a bomb in DRC last week.

The couple have three sons, 15, 12 year old and nine, who were struggling to accept they will never see their father again.

Family struggling to accept soldier’s death

“It has been very challenging, especially for the youngest son; he doesn’t understand. He knows that his father is with Jesus but still breaks out in tears and gets nightmares every night and calls for his father in his sleep.

“The oldest son took the news very badly on the night we found out. He kept on asking what we did wrong to deserve this and what his father did to deserve to die this way.

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The middle son is like his father – he has a way of dealing with it, but I worry because he is not crying and wants to go back to school to keep himself busy.

“He feels that he needs to stay strong for me…”

Strydom said she had been crying at night when she’s alone.

Wife crying at night when she’s alone

“I have to stay strong for our boys. I don’t really sleep a lot and cry mostly because I don’t cry in front of them. My heartache has turned to anger,” she said.

Pieter worked as a chef first in Lohatla, then in Kimberley after joining the military in 2010. He was stationed there until he went on deployment in DRC last year.

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Strydom said she had been scrolling through their WhatsApp messages, listening again to his voice notes, just to hear his voice again.

The last time Strydom saw her husband was in September, when he came home for 10 days.

“The last time I spoke to him was on Tuesday night. He told me they were still hiding in the bunkers, but in his very last message said he was scared. He was worried that he wouldn’t see me, the children and his family ever again.”

Last message on Tuesday night

Strydom said there were times when the signal was bad and they would not speak for a few days.

“He always made it his mission to send me a message to let me know he was okay. I didn’t panic on Wednesday, but then came Thursday and by Friday I started panicking – something was wrong, you know when you get that gut feeling,” she said.

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Strydom said when a military chaplain phoned her at 9pm on Friday to come to her house, she got hysterical and phoned her parents and grandparents immediately to come over.

“When the chaplain arrived I was already in tears. He said: ‘Sorry, Mr Strydom is dead’.

“Those words tore me apart.”

Body stuck in DRC

Strydom said they couldn’t make any memorial arrangements because her husband’s body was stuck in the DRC.

“On new year I still said that 2025 would be our year and that my husband would come home to us and made many plans for when he returns – but that we will never get to do,” she said.

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Pieter Strydom Snr said his son would have been alive if the military had sent him home when he asked to return.

“In November 2023, Pieter went to Luanda in Angola to train to work in the DRC. In April last year, he went to the DRC as a military chef, where he was supposed to be stationed in Goma, a less dangerous area than Sake, where he ended up anyway.

“Sake was a huge shock and adjustment for Pieter to get used to bombs falling and bullets flying.”

Grieving father

The grieving father said about two months ago, Pieter wrote to his commander asking to be released because his mental health had started to deteriorate.

“They denied his application…”

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