Karabo Mokoena
4 minute read
11 May 2021
12:55 pm

Hey Enhle, what about Black Coffee and his kids?

Karabo Mokoena

Your separation will inevitably hurt the children, but you can manage the blow.

Think of the kids, Enhle Mbali. Picture: Instagram @enhlembali

I watched your last video after your court application for a restraining order was declined. You were hurt, and everyone that watched that video could see that. You were angry, and clearly disappointed at a justice system that failed to protect you, because as you said you “don’t feel safe”.

What is notable for me was your child telling you that they don’t feel like a child any more. You did not get into the details of this, but by the sound of things, he might be feeling like he is caught in a very public battle between his parents. You said Nkosinathi is calling them to request that you drop this case.

The separation of parents takes its toll on children regardless of whether it is amicable or not. When children grow up in the presence of both their parents, divorce feels like life as they know it is being ripped from them.

ALSO READ: Enhle Mbali and Black Coffee feud over electricity bill

In other circumstances, depending on the overall health of the relationship, divorce might be a way to save your kids from being exposed to a toxic relationship. Staying sometimes is more detrimental than leaving.

 

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A post shared by Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa (@enhlembali_)

As a mom, you did the brave thing and decided to leave.

It has not be an amicable one, but no one is expecting it to be.

As a mom, however, I worry about how this public dragging of Nkosinathi is changing the dynamics of his relationship with his children.

I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I know that you loved him once enough to give him children. The children are here now. They have access to the internet and their friends have access to the same videos and articles that we keep reading.

Your child told you that he does not feel like a child any more, Enhle. There are sides now and they probably feel they have to make adult decisions and choosing sides. I had to choose sides once and would sneak away to visit my late father without my family knowing, because they had their own drama. It sucks.

Your drama with Nkosinathi does not have to become the kids’ too. You had a relationship, you tried maintaining it and it never worked out.

ALSO READ: Black Coffee thanks supporters as court denies Enhle a protection order

You said “I am tired of protecting this man.”

So don’t. Find a way to deal with this that does not make you sit in a house with no electricity and involving your children.

But you have the responsibility of protecting them. You are their mother after all.

You guys were not a couple from next door. The world is watching this famous family have it out. Your kids are equally watching and making up their own stories.

Let the children dictate the terms of their relationship with their father.

He is their father and they don’t have the option to divorce him like you do.

The public spectacles aren’t bringing you any solace, looking at how emotional you are every time you talk about this issue. You’ve even gone to the lengths of threatening to do “all kinds of crazy things” to prove he was abusive to you.

To what end, Mama?

I am in no position to dictate how you should navigate your hurt, but this social media battle is not doing you any justice. You are evidently a strong woman who does not back down from a fight. That’s admirable. You are also a mom and an unsalvageable romantic relationship does not have to be an unsalvageable one for the kids and their father.

From where I am sitting, you are taking your children through the same hurt that you are experiencing and that is not fair.

You don’t have to swallow your pain for the sake of the children, but you don’t have to spew it online, garnering support from others and being shamed in the same breath.

Things with you and him did not work out. You have taken the brave decision to end your relationship, even after having and raising kids with this man.

As a woman and mom who has experienced trauma in my lifetime, I can say nothing good comes from a place of hurt. But be careful not to overload your children with emotions and information they are not developmentally capable of processing.

No child deserves to grow up in the absence of their father because of a relationship that ended badly. You did not have a present father figure, and turned out pretty okay. The cycle does not have to continue for your kids.