Bullying: What parents should know
A common misconception is that it is the teacher or school’s responsibility to address bullying. However, parents have a responsibility, too.
When you first learn that your child is being bullied, you may experience various emotions, from rage to terror to despair. These feelings and behaviours are typical of parents who want their children to feel valued, safe, and loved. To be a good advocate for your child, you must first identify your feelings before focusing on building an action plan to assist your child.
What are the indicators that your child is being bullied?
Signs that your child is being bullied could include:
- Dropping grades
- Physical complaints on school days, as well as a lack of enthusiasm for schoolwork or sports
- Frequent headaches or stomach aches
- Changes in eating habits
- Avoidance of social situations
- Unknown injuries or ripped clothing
- Missing belongings or money
- If someone else is taking your child’s lunch, they may come home hungry even if you packed a healthy school lunch
- Bedwetting
- Depression
- Anger
- Self-esteem issues
- Nightmares
- Insomnia
Have a conversation with your child
Sometimes parents are unaware that their child is being bullied. Some children are bullied into keeping quiet. They may also remain silent because they are ashamed that they allowed something to happen. They may be afraid that their parents would either criticise them or act in a way that may make things worse. If you suspect your child is being bullied, you must sit down with them and discuss the issue.
When you first discuss bullying with your child, be prepared to listen without judgement and provide a safe and supportive environment where your child may work through their feelings. Children may not be ready to open up immediately since they are also dealing with the emotional impacts of bullying and may feel uncertain, frightened, vulnerable, angry, or sad. When your child begins to narrate their experience, simply listen without passing judgement.
Good to know: It is critical to discover as much as possible about the problem, including how long the behaviour has been going on, who has been involved, and what steps have been made. Encourage your child to communicate by assuring them that they are not alone and that you are available to assist them.
Make certain your child understands:
- They are NOT to blame. They are not at fault.
- They are NOT alone themselves. You’ve come to assist.
- Adults must put an end to bullying.
- Bullying is never acceptable, and they have a right to be safe.
- Bullying is not something that anyone deserves.
- They are entitled to be treated with dignity.
- They are entitled to feel protected at school.
Encourage and empower your child
After hearing your child’s experience, encourage them to develop a plan of action to help end the bullying. Discuss with your child how you can help them and intervention tactics they can use, such as collaborating with the school or advocating for themselves. Making a strategy that utilises your child’s talents and abilities can aid in developing self-confidence and resilience. Share these agreed-upon tactics with individuals involved in your child’s life, such as teachers, sport coaches, and other adults with whom your child interacts daily.
Understand your legal rights
Examine your child’s school’s bullying policy. Each school has various bullying policies, practises, and standards for how teachers should respond.
Consider who else should be involved
In addition to encouraging and empowering your child to make a plan, it can be very beneficial to document the measures you intend to do or have already taken. Written records give a history of incidents and replies, which can be extremely useful when dealing with school authorities or law enforcement. You should also devise a strategy involving people who can assist your child. This could include deciding who you will contact at school, what questions you will ask them, and how you will be involved. Other choices include seeking help from a school counsellor or other health specialists. Your plan may involve contacting local law police or legal counsel if the situation does not improve.
Bullying and keeping records
When a child is the victim of bullying, parents must document the occurrences and create a record (or history) of what is happening with their child. This document is useful when speaking with teachers, police enforcement, or other professionals who may need to support parents in intervening against bullying. Data is essential. Remember, if it isn’t written down, it doesn’t exist.
Which children are the most likely to be bullied?
- Children who are physically or socially isolated
- Children who are believed to be unique
- Sensitive children
- Children that lack social skills
- Children who are simply at the wrong place at the wrong time
Bullying facts (information provided by Safer Schools)
- More than 3.2 million learners are bullied yearly in South Africa.
- When asked, 52% of learners characterised bullying as an act of verbal abuse, and 22% explained it as physical abuse in the form of pushing, hitting and beating.
- More than 67% of bully victims will not ask a teacher for help because they don’t think it will change their situation.
- 90% of school bullying is carried out by learners.
- 8% of school bullying is carried out by teachers.
- 4% of learners know someone who is being bullied.
- The Western Cape has the most reported cases of bullying, with over 18.5% of learners reporting acts of abuse.
- 160 000 high school learners bunk school daily to avoid being bullied.
- 1 in 10 learners drop out of school to avoid being bullied.
- 16% of learners admit that they are victims of cyber-bullying.
Valuable resources for children
Websites dealing with bullying
Further reading
- SA school violence ‘out of hand’
- 57% of SA children claim to have been bullied at school
- Bullying Statistics in South Africa
