Meltdowns vs. tantrums

In the unpredictable journey of parenthood and education, the turbulent waters of children’s emotions can be challenging.

Parents often find themselves grappling with their children’s intense emotional outbursts. Two terms frequently arise in this context: “meltdowns” and “tantrums.” While both may appear similar at first glance, especially in the heat of the moment, they stem from fundamentally different causes and require distinct approaches for effective management.

So what’s the difference between the two?

Understanding meltdowns

Meltdowns are typically involuntary responses triggered by overwhelming sensory stimuli or emotional dysregulation. They are particularly common in children with sensory processing difficulties or neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD). During a meltdown, the child’s nervous system becomes overloaded, leading to a loss of emotional and behavioural control. This can manifest in behaviours like screaming, crying, hitting, or even shutting down and withdrawing completely. Meltdowns are not goal-oriented and are often beyond the individual’s control. Triggers can include loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, uncomfortable textures, or a combination of these. The nervous system struggles to process the incoming stimuli, leading to a breakdown.

Understanding tantrums

In contrast, tantrums are more deliberate, goal-oriented actions aimed at achieving a desired outcome, such as gaining attention, avoiding a task, or obtaining a desired object. Unlike meltdowns, tantrums are within the child’s control and are often a manifestation of frustration, anger, or defiance. While tantrums may also involve heightened emotions and physical outbursts, they are driven by a different set of motivations compared to meltdowns. Tantrums are generally short-lived and tend to stop when the child either achieves their objective or realises that their behaviour is not yielding the desired outcome.

Strategies for managing meltdowns

Acknowledging that meltdowns are rooted in sensory overload is the first step towards managing them. By understanding the sensory basis of meltdowns, parents and educators can adopt effective strategies for co-regulation. Below are some practical tips:

• Recognise the triggers. Observe your child’s behaviour to identify specific sensory triggers that may precipitate a meltdown. These triggers might include loud noises, bright lights, crowded spaces, or sudden changes in routine. By identifying these triggers, you can proactively implement strategies to minimise their impact and prevent meltdowns.

• Establish predictable routines. Creating visual schedules and maintaining predictable routines can offer a sense of stability and security for children, reducing anxiety and the risk of meltdowns. Communicate any changes or transitions in advance, giving the child ample time to prepare for the upcoming shift.

• Create sensory-friendly environments. Modify the child’s environment to accommodate their sensory needs. This might involve providing quiet spaces to retreat to, using noise-cancelling headphones, adjusting lighting, or offering sensory tools such as fidget toys or weighted blankets to promote self-regulation.

• Teach self-regulation techniques. Equip children with calming techniques such as deep breathing, visualisation, or mindfulness exercises to help them regulate their emotions and sensory experiences. Encourage the use of these strategies proactively, not just during moments of distress.

• Provide sensory and movement breaks. Incorporate regular sensory breaks into the child’s day. Activities like jumping on a trampoline, swinging, or engaging in heavy work can help regulate their sensory systems and prevent overload.

• Foster empathy and understanding. Help children develop an awareness of their emotions and sensory needs. Use simple language to describe feelings and encourage them to express their needs before they escalate into a meltdown. Educate peers, siblings, and caregivers about sensory differences and the importance of patience and compassion in supporting individuals during meltdowns.

• Seek professional support. Consult with an occupational therapist or psychologist for guidance and intervention strategies tailored to your child’s specific sensory needs and developmental profile.

Strategies for managing tantrums

While tantrums are a normal and age-appropriate part of childhood, managing them effectively requires an understanding of the underlying emotions and responding in a way that helps the child learn to regulate their behaviour. Here are some practical tips for handling tantrums:

• Stay calm. Children often look to their parents for cues on how to react in a situation. Take deep breaths, speak in a calm and steady voice, and avoid yelling or showing frustration. Your calm demeanour can help de-escalate the situation.

• Acknowledge the child’s feelings. Use phrases like, “I see you’re upset because…” or “I understand that you’re frustrated because…” This validation shows empathy and helps the child begin to recognise their own emotions.

• Set clear boundaries. Children need to understand that there are limits to acceptable behaviour, even when they are upset. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.

• Offer choices. Offering choices gives the child a sense of control, which can reduce feelings of frustration that often lead to tantrums.

• Avoid giving in. Yielding to tantrums reinforces the behaviour, teaching the child that they can get what they want through inappropriate actions.

• Use distraction. Shifting the child’s focus to something else can prevent the tantrum from escalating.

• Model and teach coping strategies. Teaching children coping strategies helps them manage their emotions. For example, deep breathing, counting to ten, or using a favourite toy as a comfort item.

• Use positive reinforcement. Rewarding positive behaviour encourages the child to repeat the desired behaviour in the future.

• Debrief after the tantrum. Discussing the tantrum after it’s over helps the child reflect on their behaviour and learn better ways to handle emotions.

• Be consistent. Consistency helps the child learn what to expect and understand that rules and boundaries do not change.

Although tantrums are common in early childhood, very frequent or extremely intense tantrums that persist beyond the age of five may indicate an underlying issue, such as difficulty with emotional regulation or sensory processing. In such cases, a consultation with an occupational therapist may help identify the cause of these behaviours.

By recognising the nuances between meltdowns and tantrums and adopting a sensory integrative approach, parents and educators can empower themselves to effectively support children in moments of distress. Through proactive intervention, environmental modifications, and the cultivation of emotional regulation skills, we can help our children thrive in a world full of sensory experiences. For more information, visit Bellavista’s website.

Article supplied by Romy Saunders, Occupational Therapist at Bellavista S.H.A.R.E