Slipping into Town last week, I went to check whether I had mail in my Post Box.
To my surprise there was. Yep! There was a parcel slip, I stood for a moment staring at the piece of paper wondering, “Who the Hell sent me a Christmas present from the UK?”.
Walking to the Parcel Department I figured it could only be Auntie Tilly, who at the age of ninety-four had suddenly got a new lease on life. Casually, I handed the gentle-man behind the counter the slip who took it and eyed it, then eyed me up and down…then promptly walked off!
“Oh Lord,” I thought. “Now what?”
I waited a good ten minutes before the gentleman came band handed me the slip.
“We have a bit of a problem with your parcel Sir, could you come back tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” I queried. “Why can`t I have it today?”
“Er…well Sir…ER..”
“You have got it then?” I asked.
“Oh yes, we have your parcel all right Sir, it’s just that….
“That what?”
The gentleman looked nervously around, “Er…its being delayed Sir.”
“Delayed?” “By Whom?” I was getting a bit narked by this time.
“Security Sir, they have your parcel.”
“Well show me where security is and I`ll go there.”
Walking to the other end of the counter, he beckoned me to join him.
“Here we are Sir, Security.”
I gasped in amazement. “You are Security; can I have my parcel then?”
“No, you can`t Sir, it’s a delicate situation Sir, we have another member of Security who refuses to release your parcel Sir.”
“Well where is he, and on what grounds?”
“Its..ER…its Rufus Sir, he`s our sniffer dog.”
“What!”
“He`s got your parcel in his kennel Sir, and he won`t come out.
“WHAT!!” I am close to exploding.
“Sorry Sir, you can come and have a look if you like, he`s a Beagle, and can detect more drugs than you can imagine, once he gets the scent.”
I think for a moment, I am not a dog lover at the best of times, but things couldn`t really be any worse. “All right then, take me to him.”
I followed the gentleman down the passage and out to a large courtyard, there were two dog kennels in the far right hand corner.
The Security man’s arm held me back. “Don`t go too close Sir, these dogs have a nasty habit of snapping at you when you least expect it.”
“Where is Rufus?”
“Second kennel Sir.”
I call softly, “Rufus….Rufus…..come on boy, give me my parcel.”
I hear a muffled bark, and call again.
“Come on boy, that’s a good dog.”
Then I see the white and brown long eared dogs head appear with my parcel in its jaws, there is slobber and teeth marks all over the brown paper package.
I am immediately alarmed, “Just look at my parcel, its covered in tooth marks.” I remonstrated.
The Security man sniggers. “Better there than in your bum.”
“I suppose so, have you tried squeezing the dogs paw?”
“We have tried everything Sir, but the moment we approach he goes back into his kennel.”
Then I remember a similar incident that happened to me years back.”
“Have you tried liver-sausage officer?”
“Liver sausage?”
“Yes, they say there`s not a dog alive that can resist the smell.”
Strangely, there is a butchery right across the road from the Post Office and in twenty minutes flat, we were back with half a Kg. of dogs delight.
Half way through un-wrapping the liver sausage Rufus picked up the aroma and bounded across the courtyard to where we were standing.
“Quick grab your ruddy parcel, while he`s busy eating,” shouted the Officer.
Well, they say all’s well that ends well, and I suppose it was a fair exchange.
I dusted off Aunt Tilly`s parcel, and apart from a few tooth marks in the icing.
Her Christmas cake was, as always delicious.
