“Just because his apology sounds genuine, it does not mean that he loves you. He wants to kill you,” warned Mandy Maluka, a survivor of gender-based violence.
She was speaking during the launch of the 16 Days of Activism last week. Maluka said she endured abuse from her husband for many years. According to her, she was hoping that he would change for the better, but it only got worse.
“There is no man who can apologise as much as an abusive one. He will, but do not believe him. As women we tend to believe that they love us because of the way they apologise, but it is just how abusive people behave. I left him and managed to create a safe home for my kids and I. It is possible to get a new life and to find happiness,” she said.
Her last straw was when he locked them out of the house in the rain one night.
“I remember it was on Christmas Day. It was raining and it was in the middle of the night. He said he wanted to teach me a lesson because I had raised my concern about him eating food from the pot earlier that day. We were standing in the rain for hours because I had nowhere else to go. At around 01:00 I called the police and explained our situation. On arrival they took me to the GRIP offices. I sat there and they gave us clothes to wear. They informed me that the offices for applying for a protection order were closed. The officers drove me back home, but when we got home yet another fight started.”
She called the police again and they came and fetched them.
“The challenge is that my mom died when I was still young so my father remarried, then moved on. My relatives were not very understanding of my situation. They told me to go back to my husband, but I chose to go back to the organisation. GRIP helped me get back on my feet; they gave us clothes and food.
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“They accommodated us for a year. I took the grant money that my kids receive and I saved all of it at the bank. I started building a home for them. I managed to build a two-room house. The kids needed to go to school so we then moved to our new home. When I least expected it, GRIP called me and told me that they had registered me for a security training certificate. All my fees were paid for and all I had to do was attend. After my training I managed to get a job. I am currently still adding more rooms,” she explained.
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Maluka said she is willing to help anyone who needs assistance.
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