How to talk to your teen about sex

Evidence shows that teenagers want to talk to their parents about sex and relationships, and vice versa, but both can feel awkward about starting the conversation.

Did you know that one in three teenagers has engaged in sexual intercourse by the age of 16 to 17? Even teens who are not sexually active are bombarded with a variety of contradictory messages about what sex and relationships are like. They have simple access to a vast amount of information, which is where parents become a far better source of accurate information.

In many cases, parents are happy to help their teens learn a new skill. For example, they might help them learn how to drive, cook, play a sport, or explore a new hobby. However, often it’s a different story when we’re talking about sex, which is thought to be more complicated and nuanced than many other life skills. We often think talking about sex might encourage our children to engage in the activity. But experts say that not tackling this topic is more harmful in the long run.

There are a lot of teens who don’t know how to prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, let alone how to deal with them if they do happen. This can make them feel ashamed and afraid about their sexuality. Many teens think they can’t ask adults for help when they need it. Teens who have accurate information about sex and easy access to reproductive health care, however, are less likely to start having sex in the first place. And, if they do, they’ll be more likely to use condoms and contraception, and much less likely to have unplanned sex.

Parents who want to help their kids become sexually healthy adults are going to have to step up to the plate and do their part. Here are five tips for parents on how to help their teens understand more about sex, consent, and respectful relationships:

1. Encourage safe sex

Actively support sex education in your community and oppose programmes that only teach abstinence. There have been a lot of studies that show that abstinence education doesn’t stop teens from having sex. In fact, it makes them more likely to get STIs, fall pregnant, or even be sexually assaulted than those who get more comprehensive sex education. This is because abstinence education doesn’t stop teens from having sex.

2. Teach your child about consent

The second thing you should do is make sure that teenagers understand what consent is. It is important for teens to know that sex can’t be truly consensual if either person is under a lot of stress, or is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. If they aren’t sure that someone wants to have sex, or if they aren’t sure how far someone wants to go sexually, they don’t have permission. Teens should also know that many people think that if they don’t say “no,” they’re giving their permission. This isn’t true. Teens should be told to be clear about what they want and what they can’t do.

3. Help teens have healthy relationships

If your teen is in a relationship, don’t prevent them from seeing each other. While boundaries and rules are a good thing and should be implemented, allow your teen space to grow and nurture their relationship. Studies have shown that for older teens, having a respectful sexual relationship with a caring partner can help them build better social relationships in their early adult years, boost their self-esteem, and lessen the chance of having multiple partners.

5. Keep communicating with your teen

Make it easy for your teen to talk to you. Many parents don’t want to have a conversation about sex with their teens because they don’t want to seem like they’re too lenient. But letting these fears keep parents and teens from having open talks does more harm than good.