How to handle failure in a pressurised world
JOBURG – A clinical psychologist gives three helpful tips for dealing with failure.
Failure is a common experience that affects all age groups, from childhood through to old age.
The rise of social media, celebrity culture, family expectations, as well as the drive to win alongside other pressures, have made it difficult for people to manage the increasing demands of modern life.
“We could run the risk of suffering from depression and anxiety as a result of the continued pressure to succeed,” said Tony de Gouveia, a clinical psychologist at Akeso Clinic Alberton.
De Gouveia added that failure regularly affects our sense of self-esteem and we tend to perceive ourselves as failures rather than limiting the feeling of failure to a specific disappointment in our lives which can develop into depression and anxiety over time.
“The main issue in experiencing feelings of failure is the sense that we have not met or lived up to expectations – our own and those of others – which then bothers us to the point of disturbing our mental state and our sense of balance,” said De Gouveia.
According to him, social comparison can also intensify feelings of failure as we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we compare against others. This results in constant comparison in terms of attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, success and other factors.
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“The problem is that we invariably compare apples with pears and perceive ourselves to be falling short, even when we don’t have all the information needed to do the comparison accurately or realistically.”
De Gouveia gave the following steps to dealing with self-limiting beliefs and failure
- Change the way you view failure
Acknowledge that beliefs are changeable. “We can start by changing the way we view failure.” He added that failure should not be viewed as a bad occurrence in life but as part of the learning process – and seeing it as an integral step on the road to success.
- Perseverance
The key coping mechanism we need to learn, De Gouveia advised, is perseverance, which is a key characteristic of resilience – the ability to bounce back. It means finding the strength and courage to push past the setbacks in daily life until we finally succeed. “It’s about learning to value yourself.”
- Seeking professional help
People who have gone through adverse life events are more likely to develop depression and De Gouveia said the decision to seek professional help is not an easy one. However, he advised that help from a trained mental healthcare professional such as a psychiatrist or psychologist is important if you experience a sense of helplessness, where you have given up and have fallen into clinical or major depression as a result of a repeated sense of failure
“There are effective psychological treatments for depression, and there is no need for anyone to feel alone. The first step towards recovery is to seek help.”
