How to help your child cope with disappointment
So much of life is about anticipating events, and a change in plans can be extremely distressing for children.
Whether a trip to the playground is disrupted by rain or the ice-cream shop runs out of chocolate sprinkles, life is full of small and large disappointments. And, as much as we wish we could save our children from disappointments, we just cannot – which is actually a wonderful thing.
Disappointment is a healthy feeling that children must experience.
“When children learn at a young age that they have the tools necessary to overcome adversity, they can use them throughout childhood and into adulthood,” says Robert Brooks, PhD, co-author of Raising Resilient Children. “If you go to great lengths to protect them from disappointment, you will prevent them from gaining some critical abilities.”
That’s not to say you shouldn’t lend a hand. “If you help a child learn to ask for realistic support, lean on others, communicate well, and stay optimistic, you’re assisting that child to handle what life throws at him,” says Dr Brooks.
Here are some expert-recommended methods for assisting your youngster in coping with disappointment.
Teach your child what can and what cannot be changed
Your child may be unaware that the situation is out of your control or that throwing a tantrum won’t get them what they want. Assure him of your understanding by saying, “I understand your distress,” and then propose more effective solutions.
Introduce your preschooler to various activities until he discovers one he truly enjoys
According to Dr Brooks, when a child can fall back on something he knows he is good at, it’s like an instant ego boost. It can instantly shift his mindset from ‘Poor me, nothing ever goes my way,’ to ‘Oh well, it’ll work out next time.’
Talk about your own experiences
While this may be difficult, recall moments when you needed to vent or have a good cry to get through a difficult situation.
Allow your child to make a choice when the unexpected occurs
Allowing a child to choose can help turn a disappointing situation around. For instance, you could say, “We are unable to visit the toy store at the moment, but what toy would you like to play with when we get home?”
Don’t rush in
Rather than rushing to “fix” an issue, help your child resolve the issue independently, whether it’s a broken toy or a dispute over who gets the bigger apple. Although it may take time, your child will discover that they can improve a poor situation on their own.
