Have you ever had to throw away perfectly good goods to make room for new toys? If this is the case, you may be suffering from gift overload.
While your children will want to open gifts on their birthdays and holidays, the best gifts do not have to be made of plastic or stuffing. Instead, give the gift of adventure, experience, family time, and connection.
“The focus has shifted in some way. We talk about the present rather than the people,” parenting expert Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says. “Material things are just that – material. They eventually lose their significance. Ditch the gifts and toys and do something together if you want to make memories.”
Why toys are a waste
Many studies over many decades have found that happiness is derived from experiences, not things, especially when we can express gratitude around those experiences. Claire Lerner, a childhood development specialist, says that they play less when children are overburdened with toys and games. Too many toys can be distracting and overwhelming for youngsters, causing them to lose concentration.
Lerner’s findings are supported by Michael Malone, a University of Cincinnati professor of early childhood education. His research established that fewer, higher-quality toys result in more sharing and collaboration, both of which are necessary life skills.
Invest in your child
Christella Morris of crawltheline.com recalls spending quality time with extended family on weekends as a child. That is difficult, if not impossible, for many families these days.
Morris is now a mother of two little sons. When birthdays came around, friends and family members would call and inquire what size clothes or gifts they should get them. She explained that they arrived with gifts in hand, and her sons grew shy around the adults because they didn’t know each other well. Morris, who herself was caught up in a consumer world where we buy things for people to make ourselves happy, had the notion of creating a new tradition, asking for time together rather than gifts. She won’t impose a no-gifts policy, but she’d rather you take her son to the zoo than buy him a lion stuffed animal.
The possibilities for gift-giving are limitless, ranging from simply hanging out together to going on a bike ride, watching a movie, or going to the park.
Instead of buying a toy, buy an experience
Intimate experiences, according to Morris, are an excellent approach to return to a time when families had more time to spend together, forming relationships and getting to know each other as individuals.
“Experiences do not break, wear out, or go out of season,” adds Renee Robinson, author of Seeking Christmas: Finding the True Meaning of Family Traditions. “Experiences produce memories that we keep with us for the rest of our lives. Memories enrich our lives by telling the tale of our lives. As parents, we have the potential to influence the writing of our children’s lives by giving them the gift of an experience.”
Where to start
To make this notion work, try the following tips:
- Ask your child to jot down ten experiences they would love to have. Then try and schedule at least one of these “experiences” every month.
- Because we live in a “buy, buy, buy” world, be mindful of your words and the advertising your children see on television and the Internet. If you don’t mention it, they won’t even notice that a new Lego kit is out.
- Don’t overlook charity projects like donating to your school library. Kids love to give to others.
