There are no consequences for perpetrators

Picture five women you know together in a group. On average, statistics show at least one of them has experienced abuse at the hand of a partner.

Yes, the annual 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence kicks off tomorrow. We all know abuse against women and children in South Africa is the reality.

What is talking about it going to achieve, you ask.

Lowvelder has joined hands with GRIP to raise awareness of the deep-seated prevalence of abuse in our society. We are telling victims’ stories to show you just how pervasive it is.

See: GRIP joined by community to combat violence against women

You do not have to be poor, helpless or weak to be a victim: just ask Linda* (read on page 31). She is your drinking buddy, your teammate, your colleague, one of the women you just pictured.

Nor does abuse have to be physical. It need only, according to the WHO, “lack appropriate action” in a relationship of trust, which causes “harm or distress”.

Sakina Mohamed from GRIP sees abuse happen across social structures.

“All women are always vulnerable,” she says. All.

It is particularly hard to talk about domestic abuse. “It happens where you are supposed to be protected. They are ashamed.”

Also read: Vrou vertel van 16 jaar se mishandeling

The abuser knows and relies on this. Both the abuser and victim suspect that the victim will not be believed, and quite rightly.

Especially in the case of the domestic abuser, a master manipulator, showing the world the side of him he wants them to see.

While he is making her out to be the abuser, she is not making the counter-argument.

Talking about abuse is frowned upon. In addition, even after a divorce, the victim is forced to keep up the facade. Keep keeping the peace or their children will be punished for it.

Hands up, who has asked, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” When her own parents believe their charming, helpful, sweet son-in-law over her.

There are no consequences for the perpetrator.

We as a society enable them by protecting the abuser. He should be ostracised, shunned from polite society.

The real victims need our support, and encouragement to reach out to organisations that can help. It is all our responsibility.

*Pseudonym