50 Shades, yes or no?

So you have read the book, googled the trailer and followed the news on the cast, what’s next for 50 Shades of Grey fans?

Well, moviegoers are in luck with the opportunity to catch the eagerly anticipated blockbuster today, before its set release date, at Movies@Emnotweni.

Eagerly anticipated might be a bit of an understatement. Since the rumours started spreading that a movie is in production, definitely something more like 50 shades of craze started.

Here are nine bizarre effects of 50 Shades of Grey courtesy of yourtango.com:

It’s Putting Young Women’s Health At Risk

In the more what-did-Fifty-Shades-do-now news, a new study from Michigan State University found that reading the series could be harmful to women’s health. Let us count the ways. Christian-Grey obsessed women (ages 18 to 24) were more likely to have sex with multiple partners, binge drink, suffer eating disorders and end up in abusive relationships. It was unclear if the women had entered the relationships before or after reading ‘Fifty Shades’, but either way this link is bad news.

There’s A Rise In STDs Among The 50+ Crowd

According to top doctor Charlotte Jones, the trilogy is causing a rise in sexually transmitted diseases, like gonorrhoea and syphilis, among older couples. Why? Thanks to the sexy books and now the  movie, the over-50s are getting more sexually confident — and adventurous in bed. We’re all for exploring, but wrap it up, guys!

Herpes In The Pages Of Fifty Shades Is A Thing Now

May want to buy an original copy if you haven’t read the trilogy yet. Recently a Belgianprofessor decided to take to a library in Antwerp to see what, if any, type of microbes and bacteria could be found on the most popular books. The results? All of the 10 most popular books tested positive for traces of cocaine, with Fifty Shades of Grey also testing positive “herpes simplex virus type 1 – a strain of herpes that causes cold sores.” Granted, not enough to pass the virus, but enough to make you go “Ewww!”

Handcuff “Situations” Have Been On The Rise

As we reported, people indulging in sexual handcuff use and getting stuck in them (come on, people!), is on the rise. Since 2010 firefighters in London have had to finagle 79 (probably more since our initial story) people out of handcuffs.

Sales Of Rope Have Increased

Yep, that’s right; hardware stores everywhere are also reaping the benefits of Fifty Shades as they watch the sale of rope skyrocket, especially soft, cotton-based rope.

People Are Making More Babies

Remember that whole baby boom thing that happened after WWII? Yeah, I don’t either. But your parents or grandparents are part of what they call “Baby Boomers,” because of the all the sexin’ that was going on when the soldiers came home.

According to professors, we’re likely to see yet another boom thanks to the trilogy that got so many people so hot and bothered. How are you going to explain to your kid that they’re the result of kinky night of doing the deed thanks to a poorly written book or a movie? That should be fun.

Husbands Have Been Freaking Out

Not only have there been more than a few women complaining that their husbands or boyfriends weren’t down with them reading the book or watching the movie, but it has also led to violence in some cases.

In the summer of 2012, a British man was arrested for assault after he thought the best way to stop his girlfriend from reading Fifty Shades of Grey, was to smack her, then spray her with an “unidentified” brown sauce. Yikes.

Grammar Has Suffered

“Laters” isn’t a word. “Laters baby,” isn’t anything anyone should ever say or want to hear, but thanks to the book, people everywhere are using a word that doesn’t exist, and this ridiculouskey chain exists. Can I get a very loud sigh and eye roll?

The Trilogy Has Caused Some Divorces 

Remember the woman who filed for divorce because her husband wouldn’t recreate some of the scenes in book? Yeah, don’t think she was the first or the last, she was just the one the media picked up on.

Early screening of 50 Shades of Grey at Movies@Emnotweni