What is up with this “I want to find my other half” thing?
After much deliberation and numerous attempts at dating in the Lowveld, I have come to realise that it makes no sense.
Except if you are an avocado. Those have other halves. Avos are ridiculously priced and spend their days in boxes, bags or bowls on shelves. The platinum-priced green gems spend days waiting to ripen.
Suddenly, the whole lot ripens at once and the poor guy who spent his inheritance on it is left with an avo overdose. Exclusivity gone. Now the avocados are a burden as it has to be eaten all at once.
So what does a box of avodacos have to do with dating? Everything. Just ask Pinterest.
Get this: if someone else has to be your other half, it means that you are not whole. And that means that you should not be dating.
I have written about the topic in the past. We all know that dating in the Lowveld is complicated. The guys claim that the girls want money and riches and that it has nothing to do with love. The girls claim that the guys are only into pretty girls who stay fit, cook food, raise kids, refrain from having an opinion and basically live to please their man.
The Lowveld is a cliquey place. It took me five years to make friends and feel like I belong here. Whereas I previously stereotyped the locals without feeling guilty, I now do so with a pang of guilt.
Nonetheless, I share my thoughts tongue-in-cheek for your entertainment.
The Upper Arm Brigade: I have noticed the gym junkie gang. The guys I encountered there all wear chains. I am not a fan.
The Rolex Runners: There’s an up-and-coming young executive click. One can join in on the conversation once you have bypassed the inflated egos. Not worth my time.
The Inheritance Fraternity: I’ve spent some time with these guys. You know those kids whose parents and grandparents have been living here forever? Basically, they spend a year or two experimenting with all things dodgy at university before coming back here as a manager of sorts. The Joneses drive the movement. Frankly, I find them way too predictable and boring.
The Pleasants: Those who have not been here for generations, but who grew up here. Nice guys. Always very happy to see you. “We should hang out some time!” Then you turn around and roll your eyes, because you know it’s just not happening.
The Fruits: These guys just ride the wave of life without ever standing up for anything they believe in. He who stands for nothing will fall for anything. You’ll find these in every community. Don’t go there.
The Nuts: From a girl’s perspective, these are the guys who are only interested in one thing. And it is not your brain.
The Potholes: People who are in it for themselves. They will fake caring about you and spend time with you merely to fill some void they are too scared to identify and address. These friendships end with a thud and you might burst a tyre. Steer clear.
I must commend Mbombela’s Average Joes. The nice guys who you walk into at a pub or at a braai. The people who don’t seek to impress, but who end up impressing once you get to know them. They are not “in your face” or “out there,” but their hearts are in the right places – they don’t lie, they don’t cheat and they live with integrity.
These people are my tribe. I must admit, it took me a while to get hold of them.
Finally, I have a wonderful support system, which brings me back to the dating realisation I had.
I do not need someone to be my other half and neither do you.
This realisation is a beautiful, freeing one. Romantic love is not a right and it is not a given, but special friendships are. Before you grab onto a potential other half for fear of being alone, think about these things.
- You are responsible for how your life unfolds.
You decided to follow a certain career. You decided to love the one you are with. You decided to befriend your friends.
Choose badly and you will be unhappy.
Choose well and your chances of happiness will improve. Complete happiness, however, comes from within. How you feel when you are alone reflects whether you are truly happy or not.
You can increase your happiness by forgiving your own past mistakes and making the right choices in life. Your choices sketch the landscape in which you will live.
Knowing that you are responsible for your own happiness, why would you act as if anyone else can make you happy?
Why would you chase after a partner only to confirm that he/she was never responsible for your happiness to begin with?
Realise now that every single decision you make shapes your future. It is up to you to make the right ones and handle the wrong ones in the way that is least likely to cause you further damage.
- No person can make you happy
Romance and happiness are not synonyms.
If you are not happy when you are alone, you need to fix it. It is not up to anyone else.
- You can’t love another if you are not happy on your own
How is it humanly possible to pour water from an empty cup?
You can’t.
Likewise, you cannot care for others if you have not taken proper care of yourself first.
By proper care, I mean that you make choices that paint a healthy, stable landscape for you to live in. If you have not taken care of your own joy and emotional stability, you cannot offer this to anyone else.
- Relationships are admin
Worrying about your own basic needs is difficult enough.
Managing your own schedule is a mission. As is feeding yourself and making enough money to survive. If you haven’t gotten the hang of it yet, why burden yourself with someone else’s needs?
- If you chase after love, you will settle for less than you deserve
Some people are so obsessed with finding “the one” that they will pick someone that is, harshly put, not worth it.
Desperation makes you settle for someone who is not as clever, pretty, nice or healthy as you are. Rather be single until the right one comes along.
And in the meantime? Make friends who care for you almost as much as you care for yourself.
Lees ook: Liewe Kredietkaartsmous
