Misconceptions about adoption that could be holding you back

Have you put the idea of adoption on the back burner because of things you may have seen, or heard, about adopting?

Adoption is the process where a person applies in court to be considered as the parent of a child. There are many misconceptions about adoption which may impact your decision to adopt, or make you feel uneasy about “going through the process”.

The reality is that adoption is a beautiful gift, which can change both your life and the life of the child you bring into your home. If you’re considering adoption, here are some truths that might help you make a better-informed decision.

Myth #1: Only teenagers put their babies up for adoption

This is one of the most common misconceptions surrounding adoption. It’s likely that this has been perpetuated by what we often see in movies and TV shows. And those cases do happen. The reality can be quite different though.

Often, birth mothers are slightly older, in their twenties, and have made a well-considered choice to give their child a better life. They realise they can’t support a child properly, either emotionally or financially, and have decided to give the child to a family that is able to provide better care.

Myth #2: The adoption process can take several years and still, might not be successful

There’s a perception that it can take many years to adopt a child, and, yes, it’s likely to take longer than the 40 weeks of pregnancy. But many adoption cases are finalised within two years, meaning that after deciding to adopt, you could very soon have your child. It is unlikely to be the four or five years you’ve heard many horror stories about.

Myth #3: Adoption is very expensive and unaffordable for most families

It’s a common misconception that adoption is inordinately expensive, putting it out of reach of the average person or couple. Yes, it’s true that adoption does come with certain costs. These can include legal fees, medical fees for the birth mother and the child, travel expenses, application fees, and more. Of course, local adoptions are far more affordable than international ones. So, if you’re seriously thinking about adoption, try to make sure it’s an adoption in South Africa

Myth #4: Only “traditional” couples are allowed to adopt a child

There’s long been a perception that only traditional couples can adopt a child. Luckily times have changed. Whether you are gay or straight, in a couple or single, rich or poor, professional or unemployed, you can adopt a child. Make sure you’re open with the professionals working on your case about your situation at home and they will ensure you’re treated with the respect and fair treatment you deserve.

Myth #5: Adopted children come with huge emotional and behavioural baggage

This is another myth that is likely to have come about because of movies and TV. It’s certainly not true that all adopted children have emotional and behavioural problems. Children from all backgrounds, whether adopted or living with their birth parents, could have these types of problems.

Myth #6: There is always a risk your adopted child will be taken away from you 

There’s a fear among many adoptive parents that the birth parents can take the child back. But once an adoption has been finalised in court, the child is yours as if you’d given birth. You don’t have to worry about him or her being taken from you.

Myth #7: A court will decide whether the birth mother can see their biological child

Today, birth mothers have a say about how much contact they have with their child. She is able to choose a family which agrees with her preferences about this. However, the adopted parents also have a say. An adopted child is regarded as the biological child of the adoptive parents. Therefore, if she would like an open adoption, she selects a family who would like this option. And if she would like a closed adoption and would not like contact with her child, she chooses a family who would prefer this arrangement.

Myth #8: Adopted children should never know that they were adopted

A few years ago, it was common for adopted children to be kept in the dark. But as discussed, times have changed. The question, though, is when children should be made aware that they’re adopted. Should you make it known early on about how your child came to be part of your family? Or should you wait until the child is older and more emotionally stable?

You might think this is a painful or difficult conversation to have. And it will be. But it’s also an opportunity to share a meaningful conversation with your child and he or she will appreciate your honesty.