“Tannie, do you think God can make me a virgin again if I have… you know… done it?” The 13-year-old girl’s brown eyes were confused, scared, hopeful and haunted by hopelessness all at once. Her primary school uniform was neatly ironed, and a ribbon rounded off her plated hair.
Her friend, particularly tall for her age, stepped forward. She had an open face framed with a groomed afro. “I am asking for a friend. Do you think parents will throw their daughter out if she gets pregnant?”
We were in a small-town school’s classroom. Outside, it was a beautiful September day. Inside, I felt a dark sadness take hold of me. I had been invited to the school for a talk on the dangers of social media.
I was too late.
The damage had been done.
About 20 grade 7 pupils spilled tears and the details of their online interactions. Many had fallen for much older guys, who asked them for intimate photos on WhatsApp. They played along and felt guilty and ashamed. I could do nothing to change their pasts. We held hands and made a pact to respect ourselves and our bodies from that day forward.
Shortly afterwards, I gave a presentation on the topic at a local high school. The audience was aged between 15 and 16 and came from privileged backgrounds. Many of them had discovered the short- lived thrill of sexting. The long- term consequences had not caught up with them.
One by one, I listed the legal principles relevant to sexting. “Taking a naked or suggestive photo of yourself is called creating child pornography if you are younger than 18. Sending it is a crime; you are distributing child pornography. If you receive and do not delete it, you are committing the crime of possessing child pornography,” I explained.
Initially, everyone’s eyes were wide with shock.
For a while the school said that reports of cyberbullying and sexting decreased. Yet this would not last. I have learned that it is still happening.
Today, my mind has taken me back to that September day. I still feel the young girl’s hand in mine. Something in me died that day. Maybe it was hope for the future. Maybe it was the desire to have children of my own. The world is just too scarred and broken.
Right now, that pain is pronounced by the realisation that no matter how scary the consequences, our youth keep wrecking themselves. In this online era, their mistakes last forever.
Some say that I should try harder to understand why they sext. Faced with the consequences of such actions, I cannot bring myself to want to understand. My reluctance is based on a cause-and-effect argument. Regardless of why a child sexts, the fact remains that doing so has serious, life- changing consequences. I struggle to understand why a minor would willingly inflict such harm upon him- or herself.
That said, it is true that our approach to sex education is flawed. Many parents avoid talking to their children about it.
According to sexologist Timothy Kieswetter, children who have been taught to tread around the topic carefully rather than to talk about it comfortably are more likely to fall prey to sexual predators.
He says that a child who knows what he needs to know about sex is less curious about the topic. When on the receiving side of messages like: “send me a naked pic”, the informed child is less likely to get hooked. An ill-informed and curious child will probably engage in these kinds of conversations.
I am afraid.
It scares me that sexting may rob the Lowveld’s children of their innocence.
There is a message that has to hit home in the heart of each minor: “You are special. Your body is sacred. Please realise this before someone ends up going to jail.”
How can we do this?
I do not know.
