The best parenting advice South African moms have received

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to raising children. South African mothers have a lot to contend with in this country and now they’re sharing some of the best parenting advice they’ve received.

Parenting advice is the order of the day when a couple is expecting a child, unsolicited or otherwise. People who have one or more children feel equipped to advise others because they have experienced it first-hand.

Parenting is an “on-the-job” experience and unless you are on the job, some things never make sense to you.

Moms have heard of “sleep when they do” and “you will never sleep again”, which doesn’t make sense until they become parents.

However, some parents have heard parenting gems from others and here is some of the best parenting advice SA moms have received from others.

“Take advice with a pinch of salt because not every piece of advice is meant for you.” – This is an important one for parents who are constantly bombarded with advice wherever they go.

“Mommy doesn’t always know best. When in doubt, consult.” – If moms don’t consult other parents, they consult Google, which advice should be taken with a pinch of salt. Parenting doubt can become mom guilt. And for mom guilt, the advice is it’s exhausting. “Get off that train as soon as you realize you are on it.”

ALSO SEE: COLUMN: What is mom guilt and how can I manage it?

To counter doubt, another piece of advice is to “trust your gut”. No one will ever know a child like its mother. In a lot of cases, that doubt is caused by others. This gut feeling is also known as a mom’s intuition. Judith Orloff, MD, psychiatrist and author of Guide to Intuitive Healing, says: “Intuition comes through as neutral, non-emotionally charged and almost impersonal.” This is, therefore, a mother’s best bet when doubt creeps in.

In case your mother-in-law or a random lady makes you feel like you are not a good mom, there is something important to remember. One of the best parenting advice a mom has received is “your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy one.”

“As a mom, you are not a martyr. You are a role model. Instead of killing yourself for your kids, show them how to live life to the fullest.” To do this, moms should learn to ask for help and accept it when offered. “Don’t try to do it all. You need your rest to be the best mommy to your little one.”

The biggest joy stealer in parenting is comparison. “Don’t compare yourself or your children,” moms are advised. When did yours walk, or become fully trained should be you and your baby’s business. It should not matter if another mom’s child did it three months before yours. Children develop differently and unless there is something developmentally wrong with your child, then they should be allowed to grow as they are meant to.

Sleep frustrations are also top of the list for moms. Sleep training does not work for every parent and one piece of advise is “don’t pray for your baby to sleep because it doesn’t work! Rather pray for patience and strength.”

Parents are urged to pray because “parenting will test everything you stand for”.

For breastfeeding moms who would like something more than prayer, moms are advised to “whip it out”. This is what moms do when they are in doubt and breastfeeding helps a lot of moms when their kids or they are distressed.

And once weaned off the boob, just remember: “It gets easier as they grow older and you grow wiser.”

With wisdom also comes the understanding that you have to pick your battles.

And last but not least, “wing it, everyone else is”. Parents will tell you that on most days, they have no idea what they are doing. Remember, you gain your experience on the job and every age has a new thing, so just roll with it. You will still soar and remain unconditionally loved by your children.