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Me, me, me, me. All about me. It’s narcissism, and people who are labelled with this term are often characterised as grandiose, they have little to no empathy and love being admired and adored.
Being in a relationship, of any form, with someone who has such great expectations from others, but usually very little for themselves, can be extremely challenging. And sometimes, hard to spot.
Narcissists view themselves as superior to others, often associating only with those they perceive to be of the same status. They require incessant admiration and validation, and any shortfall in this regard can upset them significantly.
They are also often dismissive or neglectful of the feelings of others while displaying a strong sense of entitlement, expecting favourable treatment from others, and becoming disgruntled when this is not met.
A narcissist’s life is often clouded by fantasies of unparalleled success, power, beauty, or ideal love, blurring the lines between ambition and delusion.
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“Narcissism is born out of a diverse mix of influences,” says Medicare24 psychologist Dr Dawid Redelinghuys.
“While genetic predispositions can play a role, environmental factors such as early childhood experiences, parenting styles, and broader societal influences are equally crucial. Often, narcissistic behaviour is an overcompensation for deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.”
Selfie culture has become an expression of the me, myself and I social influence factor. It is often a telltale sign.
“An excessive focus on selfies and the quest for social validation that often accompanies it can echo narcissistic tendencies,” explains Dr Redelinghuys.
Dr Redelinghuys unpacks nine telltale signs of narcissism to look out for in your partner, or yourself:
“Narcissists maintain an inflated self-image,” says Dr Redelinghuys. “They view themselves as inherently superior and expect others to recognise this perceived superiority. They often exaggerate their achievements or talents, and share grandiose plans for their future, which may or may not be based in reality.”
“Narcissists can spend considerable time engrossed in fantasies of unlimited success, beauty or power,” he added.
“These fantasies serve to bolster their sense of self-worth and superiority, and they can become increasingly disconnected from the reality of their actual accomplishments or abilities.”
“Narcissists often consider themselves exceptionally unique,” Dr Redelinghuys notes. “They believe they can only be understood or appreciated by other exceptional or high-status people. This sense of exclusivity fuels their desire for preferential treatment and can lead to a dismissal of those they perceive as inferior.”
“Constant validation and admiration is the lifeblood of a narcissist,” warns Dr Redelinghuys.
“They seek adoration to affirm their inflated self-image. The absence of continual praise can leave them feeling under attack or deliberately hurt, leading to potential conflicts.”
Dr Redelinghuys says an empathy deficit is one of the cornerstones of a narcissistic personality.
“They struggle to recognise or comprehend the feelings and needs of others unless these align with their interests. This lack of empathy can hinder their ability to maintain healthy, mutually supportive relationships.”
Partners tend to feel alone in a relationship with a narcissistic, because only one person’s feelings and desires tend to matter. That of the me, myself and I.
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“Narcissists often manipulate or exploit others to meet their needs or achieve their goals,” explains Dr Redelinghuys.
“They view relationships in terms of what they can gain, leading to patterns of exploitation and manipulation of the other person or parties.”
“Narcissists may hold significant envy towards others’ accomplishments or possessions,” he noted.
“Alternatively, they might operate under the belief that others are envious of them. Either way, this constant comparison can fuel their need for superiority and lead to dissatisfaction.”
“Narcissists’ attitudes can be perceived as arrogant, dismissive, ego-driven, and their personal perceived superiority can manifest as this.”
A twenty first century phenomenon, Dr Redelinghuys says that an extreme preoccupation with selfies can be a red flag.
“While taking selfies is not inherently problematic, an excessive focus on selfies like prioritising them over real-life interactions, or clicking away at every moment, with focus on themselves and the pictures to cultivate a particular image, or experiencing distress over perceived imperfections can point towards narcissistic tendencies.”
Dr Redelinghuys notes that while everyone can display narcissistic behaviours at times, a diagnosis of narcissism should be reserved for individuals who exhibit a deep-seated, pervasive pattern of these behaviours that significantly impact their relationships and mental health.
If you suspect that you or a loved one may be a narcissist, professional help is essential. Despite the challenges associated with narcissism, Dr Redelinghuys says it is not an insurmountable condition. With understanding, compassion, and the right professional guidance, healthier relationships and mental well-being are achievable.
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