Karezza is the slow food of sex

Forget about replicating hot love scenes in movies, and it’s no heavy breathing exercise either. Think pillow talk, imagine staring into one another’s eyes, sweet nothings and somethings.

Put quickies, orgasm end games and everything else you’ve learnt about sex aside.

Less wham bam and more extended play, Karezza is the slow food movement of sex.

When you practice this simple method, there’s no performance anxiety, no worrying about whether anyone finished first, last or at all.

“It flips everything we’ve been taught about sex on its head,” said sex educator Lisa Welsh, founder of relationship and sex advice site Save That Spark.

“We’re conditioned to see orgasm as the ultimate goal, but what if the magic is in not chasing it?”

Connection over climax

The practice places a connection between partners over climax, love over raw lust, and sensation over stimulation.

And while that may sound about as exciting as watching paint dry to some, practitioners of Karezza swear by its emotional, physical, and even spiritual benefits.

It is about gentle, affectionate sexual connection and only sometimes involving intercourse, many times not. The goal is intimacy. It borrowed its name from the Italian word carezza, meaning caress.

“It’s the antithesis of everything clickbait and popular culture has taught us about bedroom antics,” said Welsh. “Think of Karezza as a slow, sensual dance instead of a sprint to the finish line,” she said.

“It’s especially powerful for anyone who struggles with performance anxiety because it shifts the focus from doing to simply being. It’s a space to enjoy each other in the moment.”

Absolute bliss, some say

This includes spending long periods eye-gazing, spooning, or even just lying still with skin touching.

Some might call it boring, she said, others say it’s absolute bliss.

“Your body craves connection just as much as it craves release,” said Welsh. “The oxytocin you get from Karezza, like the soft touch, the eye contact, the stillness, can be far more nourishing than the temporary highs of a quickie.”

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It’s not about abstinence though.

“Orgasms aren’t the enemy,” she explained. “They just don’t have to be the headline act. Karezza pleasure lies in the slow build and lingers long after the moment has passed.”

Welsh said that that it could be a potent tool for couples in long-term relationships, especially when the initial spark has dimmed.

“Desire naturally shifts over time, and Karezza in sex helps keep the connection alive. It’s a way to rekindle that ‘I’ve got you’ feeling, even when life gets chaotic.”

Karezza first surfaced in the 19th century as a practice by a handful of spiritually inspired people and later became a more broadly appealing ideal.

Yet, it’s still not mainstream by name, albeit many people unknowingly practise aspects thereof.

In an age of burnout, over-stimulation of screens everywhere and algorithm-induced attention deficits, it’s making a cultural comeback, Welsh noted.

Everything changes

“When sex becomes about connection rather than performance, everything changes,” Welsh said. “You start to feel seen, valued, safe. That kind of sex can be healing. It can be a reset button, especially for people who’ve felt unfulfilled or anxious around intimacy.”

Start with uninterrupted, intentional time together, said Welsh. No phones ringing, no to-do lists, WhatsApps or emails. Definitely no scrolling social media.

Create a soft space, literally and figuratively by dimming the lights, add some music that soothes rather than seduces. Begin with a cuddle.

“Touch slowly and consciously, sex without the goal of escalation, but to say, “I’m here. I see you.”,” she said.

“Use kind words toward one another and let sex take as long as it takes.”

If you move into intercourse, treat it like a mindful event, together and not a mission to the finish line.

“Keep things slow and tender. If either of you edges towards climax, don’t panic. Just pause, soften your movements, breathe, and reconnect. It’s about being somewhere together.”

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