Read more
It's the little things that annoy partners the most. Picture iStock
She does not put the toothpaste back in the bathroom cupboard. He leaves his socks and underpants everywhere. She forgets to put leftovers in the fridge, and boy, oh boy, if you can train a dog to sit, why hasn’t he ever learned how to listen?
It can be a slow descent to insanity. Love, it seems, is not just about grand gestures and heartbreak but also about tolerance.
The patience to accept daily quirks, habits, and downright eccentricities of the partners we settle with. That’s the bottom line to every long term coupling.
Tuning out mid-conversation is an art form that many men, without stereotyping, have mastered. On platforms like Reddit and via anecdotal research, women blame men for half-listening or just, well, not…a lot.
The nodding, the well-timed “hmm,” and the occasional glance up from a phone are all make-believe engagement. Yet, many women claim that it’s all just white noise to their partners.
Psychologist and medical doctor Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said that this kind of ignoring is an insult disguised as indifference.
“Tuning out your partner sends a message that they don’t matter,” he said. “Over time, this erodes emotional connection.”
The solution, he added, was either to practice participating and listening or be honest about not caring.
“Though, good luck to anyone brave enough to admit the latter,” he added.
A man’s eternal sock and jock trail is another great point of contention amongst partners. Contrary to popular belief there is no mystical laundry fairy that swoops in to collect, wash, and fold garments left strewn about. She does not exist.
And while toilet seats are now famous as the villainous heroes Skibidy Toilets in mobile gaming platform Roblox, the war at home is real. Seat up, seat down. Wipe if you splash. It’s a rule so old it never has to be written down. Until it must be reduced to writing.
“Small acts of consideration go a long way,” Dr Redelinghuys noted. “Returning the seat to its original position shows your partner that their comfort matters. Leaving it up, multiple times, is just an invitation to permanent irritation.”
Kitchen crimes are in a league of their own. “He leaves dishes to ‘soak’ for so long that when I finally wash them, he acts like he was about to do it,” moaned a Redditor.
Another lamented that “my husband puts dirty dishes next to the empty sink instead of in it. When I ask why, he says he doesn’t want to mess up the sink.”
And it’s not just a guy thing. The award for most baffling behaviour goes to the “food scrap optimist,” who returns nearly empty containers to the fridge or saves leftovers when there’s less than even a single portion left.
This can range from two lonely samosas in a bag, or a teaspoon of milk left in the carton through to a dribble of sauce in the All Gold bottle.
Snoring is another offender.
“Some partners would rather confess to shoplifting than admit that they snore,” shared Dr Redelinghuys.
“It’s a noisy dealbreaker for some, a test of patience for others. And for those who insist on being the human embodiment of a weighted blanket, suffocation cuddles at bedtime can feel less romantic and more like a slow struggle for oxygen,” he said.
One person shared that “he likes to hold me at night with my face mashed against his chest. It should be cute, but I cannot breathe.”
Asking where something is before looking for it is a tradition passed through generations in long term relationships.
“The problem isn’t losing things,” said Dr Redelinghuys. “It’s demanding an immediate search party.” He suggested that starting off the search on a solo mission and only then turning for help, may be a more positive solution to finding any whatsit.
ALSO READ: Modern stress, ancient solution – facial reflexology’s benefits
Chore-related amnesia is another relationship yellow card. Sometimes it risks becoming a red card and sending partner off the field, out of play.
Tasks that are abandoned mid-way, half-washed dishes, laundry in limbo. Anecdotes abound that suggest partners at times believe that starting a task is equal to completing it.
And, in the same category is tardiness.
“She’s at least ten minutes late for everything, with no excuse or apology,” admitted a frustrated Redditor. “I’ve given up.”
But it’s not always worth the fight. “Not every habit or eccentricity is worth an argument,” said Dr Redelinghuys.
“Lowering expectations can sometimes be healthier than raising stress levels.”
Tactical solutions, like placing the laundry basket directly in someone’s path or investing in noise-cancelling headphones, might also help.
“If you want a habit to change, frame it as a shared goal rather than an attack. People respond better to collaboration than criticism. Otherwise, change your behaviour and it may squeeze the other person to re-evaluate theirs,” he said.
“If all else fails, laugh at the absurdity of it all,” suggested Dr Redelinghuys.
“Love should include a significant dose of compromise and learning to accept that your partner may never, ever put their socks or jocks in the laundry basket without a gentle, loving shove in the right direction.”
NOW READ: Fezile Pretorius: The white sangoma shattering stereotypes
Download our app