I read about events like this in newspapers and magazines.
Half-detached, I watch the news and say “How terrible” and take another sip of coffee.
Out of boredom I watch Channels 170 and 171, feeling sorry for those distant victims and their families.
Life goes on. . .
When enquiring why one of my Gr 10 learners was in tears, she answered “Ma’am, they say Khutso went missing and she might be dead and I don’t know if it is true,”
My blood ran cold and I promised to find the truth. I kept telling myself it couldn’t be true.
Things like that absolutely do not happen in my environment, in my life, to someone I know … to SOMEONE I KNOW AND LOVE!
It was true.
Khutso will never tell me the intricate details of how her report has gone missing between her mother and her brother again; she will never agree
or disagree vehemently about fairness and demerits again; I will never again watch her face overtly when I hand her a test in which she scored well; she will never give that fast “Sorry Ma’m” and pout for being loud and full of tricks again; she will never borrow R2 for popcorn from someone again.
She will never clasp her hand over my mouth to stop me spilling “her secret” again.
She will never ever drag her feet and come late again . . . She is gone. Just gone.
And the anger and loss I feel leaves me devastated. How dare they take one of my children, my learners, my pride and joy … how dare they take her away.
I wanted to know how she would have enjoyed the school tour. I wanted to wish her well on her next birthday and give her the birthday present I have been promising her since Grade 8. I wanted to write “Congratulations. You are promoted to Grade 11. All the best for 2017” on her report.
I wanted to see her wobbling on the highest heels (that I just know!) and her dream dress at the Matric Farewell Dance.
For two and a half years she was as much a part of my daily school life as Weetbix and Nescafe.
Instead I had to cross out her name on my register today.
How dare anybody take all that and so much more away from her mother and brother and family and friends and teachers!
Thinking about her fear and panic . . . her horror and pain . . . her leaving this beautiful earth in such a violent way . . . I scream silently in rage and despair.
Don’t think Khutso was an angel. Her halo didn’t perch sweetly on her head all the time.
It would often swing casually from a finger or be dangling somewhere around a foot.
She was a feisty, spontaneous 16 year old and just as full of riddles and giggles and audacity and delight as her classmates. Eager for life.
Her greatest dream was to make her mother and brother proud. Her name means Peace.
I shall miss you Khutso!
As long as there is a Women’s Day; as long as there are vivacious teenage girls I shall miss you.
Sleep peacefully and may God heal all your loved ones and bring them peace and forgiveness. . .
As long as there is a Woman’s day – as long as there are vivacious teenage girls around, we at Kingfisher shall miss you.
