Tzaneen: Bullies – a major problem in our schools

Whether seeing others being bullied or having been bullied ourselves, we’ve all experienced it in some way.

It happens schools, whether pre-primary, primary or high school. It even happens in the workplace.

The experience of being bullied often has a much deeper psychological and emotional effect than we’re aware of.

Even after reaching adulthood, many people struggle with deeply entrenched emotional scars.

Being bullied as a child affects self esteem and self confidence in ways that can last long into adulthood, and affect the way a person views themselves and their lives.

It also leads to a victim-mentality, which cripples a person’s ability to achieve their potential and enjoy meaningful relationships with others.

The irony here, is in the attitude of the school bully…

Children most often resort to bullying weaker children out of their own personal insecurities. Sometimes they bully others to compensate for the mistreatment they receive from parents at home.

Sometimes they have experienced rejection and they lash out towards others to compensate for their own insecurities.

Other times they resort to bullying to impress their peers and gain ‘social credit’ and praise from their friends who are just as damaged as they are. For children being bullied at school it is very hard to reach out.

It isn’t so much the fear of being beaten up if they tell their teacher. It’s more a sense of shame at being publically humiliated.

For children to tell their parents they are being bullied at school is just as difficult.

But as a parent, one symptom to look out for is depression.

Pay attention to your child’s mood when picking them up after school.

Ask them how their day was and see how they answer. But be very careful how you broach the topic if you’re convinced they’re being bullied.

The wrong reaction from a parent can sometimes shut down their child opening up about it.

There are ways to deal with the situation very effectively, but this will be influenced by your own convictions on how you would like your child to react at school when facing a bully.

If you take a pacifist approach (no violence) to the topic, you will need to teach your child to gain self worth in other ways in order to avoid them losing their self confidence.

If you take a self-defense perspective you should teach your child how to defend themselves physically and to channel their strength into defending the weak to avoid turning them into little bullies themselves.

Either way, we need to teach our children to take pity on their bullies, and see them as the misguided and damaged children they are. If your child feels sorry for their bully it would make it easier to take a beating, and it will alsodeny the the bully the satisfaction he or she gets from hurting other children.

Teach your children to defend themselves verbally. That way they can actually win the fight even if they get beaten up.

Any other ideas or comments can be emailed to jaryd@herald.co.za.

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Liewe skoolhoof, ons soek ‘n antwoord…