GBV and narcissism take centre stage at POWA talk

People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) conducted a Bottomless Tea Conversation at the Eagles of Fire Church in Thembisa on February 22 to discuss gender-based violence.

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The event focused on the impact of narcissistic personalities concerning domestic violence.

It was held as part of the Unilever tea brand Joko’s #EndDomesticSilence initiative, which was organised in collaboration with POWA.

The project was launched in 2019 and aims to break the silence surrounding domestic violence by speaking out, reporting, education and raising awareness.

POWA staff, community members and stakeholders, such as the Thembisa Child and Family Welfare Society, Child Welfare, Childline, faith-based organisations and members of the GBV brigades, who educate the residents about the impact of GBV, attended the event.

GBV survivor Noluvuyo Zantsi, a clinical psychologist, POWA social worker Koketjo Mantati, Past Nyathi and Dikeledi, a representative of the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, were among the panellists at the conversation.

Zantsi educated the audience on the signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, which include someone thinking of themselves as superior, demeaning others, lacking empathy, having an exaggerated sense of self-importance, being self-centred, controlling, status-conscious, disrespectful, manipulative and jealous.

“When a narcissist makes you second guess your feelings, perceptions and memories, this is known as gaslighting. Abusers frequently deceive victims into believing that it was their fault that they were mistreated, whereas, in reality, it is never their fault.

“It’s critical to maintain contact with friends and family to receive the support you require if you ever find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist,” said Zantsi.

A GBV survivor described how her ex-husband, a preacher, was emotionally and financially abusive, forcing her to shoulder all household expenses such as food, gasoline and school fees.

Mantati said she knew of several women who had been in abusive relationships with church representatives yet kept quiet.

“Narcissistic men believe they have the right to make all of the home choices. They frequently demand that you consult them before making any decision, claiming that if you don’t, you don’t respect them,

“The warning signs of a narcissist should not be overlooked. Don’t hold it against yourself if you were in a relationship with one. By reclaiming your identity and learning to set boundaries and accept yourself, you may heal via counselling,” said Mantati.

“Abused women who seek the church for help are frequently told to pray about the matter without receiving any further support,” Patricia Naha, POWA’s project assistant, said.

“We want the church to be a safe place where women who have been abused can speak openly about their concerns without fear of being criticized.”

Kate Mocheki, POWA’s head of projects, highlighted the importance of women who are abused to speak out to allow them to receive the support they need to leave the relationship.

“People are dying as a result of the silence they have maintained for so long. You become aware that you are being abused by a narcissist and are empowered to solve the problem by learning about narcissism,” said Mocheki.

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