#FathersDay: ToughLove talks parent-child relationships
Rules have to be set by discussing with the child, coming to a midpoint between the parents and the child’s needs.
With Father’s Day approaching, Toughlove Benoni facilitator Chantal Grotto shared advice on how to maintain a parent-child relationship.
A parent-child relationship nurtures the physical, emotional, and social development of the child, Grotto explained.
“It’s a unique bond that every child and parent experience, enjoy and nurture. The relationship lays the foundation for the child’s personality, choices, and overall behaviour.
“Studies suggest that a healthy parent-child relationship leads to positive outcomes for the children and the family.”
Positive outcomes of a healthy parent-child relationship:
• Young children who grow with a secure and healthy attachment to their parents stand a better chance of developing happy and content relationships with others in their life.
• A child who has a secure relationship with a parent learns to regulate emotions under stress and in difficult situations.
• Promotes the child’s mental, linguistic and emotional development.
• Helps the child exhibit optimistic and confident social behaviours.
ALSO READ: How parents, teachers can help children deal with anxiety at school
Parent-child relationships at various stages:
Parenting is a full-time job with perks and challenges that grow as the child grows.
Here, we take a look at the parent-child relationship at various stages:
• Infancy – building warmth and security
• Toddlerhood – stepping into the society • Preschool – developing a parenting style
• School age – knowing about a world beyond home • Adolescence – giving personal space to the kid
• Adulthood – talking on equal terms
Types of parent-child relationships:
• Secure relationship: children feel safe with their parents/caregivers and believe that they will be taken care of. • Avoidant relationship: children feel insecure because parents are not responsive to their needs.
• Ambivalent relationship: the needs of the child are sometimes met and sometimes not. Parents respond but not consistently. For instance, the parent might not respond immediately to a child that is hungry or crying as they are busy with work.
Principles of parent-child relationships: There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ when it comes to parenting. However, the following principles lay the foundation for positive parenting:
• Set some parenting goals: Whether you want to raise a healthy and disciplined child or have a healthy parent-child relationship, identify your goals and understand what you need to do to achieve them.
• Bring in warmth and structure in your interactions: Treat every interaction as an opportunity to connect with your child. Be a warm and receptive parent, who encourages interaction. Structure your interaction by having rules, boundaries, and consequences in place and ensure that your children understand them.
• Ground rules are a must: Ground rules tell your children how to and how not to behave. Rules have to be set by discussing with the child, coming to a midpoint between the parents and the child’s needs. You can firmly implement such rules which are comfortable and meaningful to both. But having too many rules is not a good idea.
• Acknowledge and empathise with your child: Whether it’s a happy or difficult situation, acknowledge your child’s feelings, understand them, and reassure them that they can depend on you to solve all their problems.
• Take a problem-solving approach to conflicts: When your child has a problem, try to look for a solution instead of punishing your child. Punishments demoralise your child and they lose trust in you.
If you find that you may be struggling with your relationship with your child and are not sure as to why then Toughlove encourages you to reach out to any of their support groups countrywide.
Visit toughlove.org.za or contact Chantal Grotto on 082 372 3039 or at toughlovebenoni@gmail.com or Marlene Roux on 083 243 9494.
