How to support your teenager through adolescence

It is a confusing time when your child becomes a teenager and enters puberty. All the raging hormones and physical changes can get a bit overwhelming for your child, whom you have supported throughout the different life stages from the time they were born. Your child may see the changes but not comprehend what is going on and that is where you come in as a parent- to guide and support them through this beautiful rite of passage.

They want independence

During adolescence children strive to become more independent and to develop their own identity and your job is to understand your teenager’s need for independence and developing their own identity. This often means that parents are now placed second to the peer group.  Parents may feel alienated and may find it hard to connect and support their teenager as the teen frequently defends against any dependence while simultaneously seeking out support and care elsewhere.

Provide support no matter what

There will be times they feel they have it all figured out but in reality, that is not the case. You will be confused as well as a parent when to offer support because you don’t know whether they will take it or not. Whatever the case, give advice and support in situations where you think they need it. It is up to them to use it or not to. You did your part as a parent

Body and brain changes

The very nature of these changes coupled with a turbulent search for identity and belonging breed inconsistency.  In other words, in days or hours the teen may change what they want or desire, especially from their parents. The most important thing is to be there and present as they navigate this unfamiliar territory.

Tips for supporting your teenager through adolescence

Be a trustworthy base: It is important for your teenager to know and believe that you are always there for them and that they can always approach you for support and assistance.  This involves trusting that your teenager will come to you when they need you.

Be open and accepting: Parents tend to be judgemental but even so, you need to build a relationship in which your teenager knows they can open up to you and you will always be accepting of them no matter what they bring to you.  This does not mean that you will always be accepting of their behaviour but you will allow them to make mistakes and help them rectify their mistakes.

Allow them to make their own mistakes: You were once a teen and made mistakes. Respect that It is important for teenagers to make mistakes.  Often the best lessons learnt are the ones we experience ourselves.  When teenagers make mistakes, they learn about consequences and knowing about consequences is vital for adulthood.

Allow them to make some decisions: It is important that you allow your child to be able to make their own decisions to a certain extent.  Your teenager will appreciate you allowing them this independence and this is likely to strengthen your relationship.

An ongoing process: Remember this is all new for your child. The best you can do as a parent is to be present, walk the journey with your child without being too critical of the mistakes they make.  A stronger and secure relationship with them is a lot more rewarding for both of you as you learn from each other and appreciate each other on your journey together. It is a joy ride with bumps along the way.