A baby is a blessing but finding out you are pregnant for the second time around while your first-born child is still a toddler or just approaching pre-school can leave you slightly miserable, when in-fact you should be celebrating. You may feel guilty for falling pregnant so soon and that you haven’t bonded as much as you should with the first born. Don’t feel bad at all- you are going to cope perfectly fine with the demands of your growing family. Having a baby on board unexpectedly and so soon doesn’t have to be a traumatic event in a firstborn’s life. Here are a few guidelines to make it a breeze for your child.
During pregnancy
Once you find out that you are expecting, share the news with your child. Sometimes your child may be excited at the news that there is going to be another baby in the family. Other times, they may cry and need a lot of your attention. Be there and go through the emotions with your baby. Their minds are curious around this age, give them regular updates on the pregnancy and an opportunity to ask questions. Be patient and answer them on a level that they can understand. There are books available that explain pregnancy and having a new baby on a child’s level. Buy one to help you through the process. Don’t sugar coat the truth, be honest about what they can expect when the baby is born. Look through some of her baby photos, laugh and talk about the things she did when she was smaller and how her baby sister or brother is likely to do the same. Other things you can do are:
- When you visit the doctor, take her along to hear the baby’s heartbeat. This is as much a special experience for her as it is for you.
- Make choosing a name a fun activity and involve her.
- Involve her when you get the baby’s room ready. Try to avoid a move to another room, but if it is necessary explain to her why this needs to happen.
When baby is born
Ideally to start the relationship on a high note, you would give your child a present the first time they visit you and the baby in the hospital or you would place their photo next to your hospital bed to make your child feel special. But due to the Corona virus outbreak, visitors are not allowed in many hospitals and this experience may not be possible. The best you can do is a pic mix of the new born alongside your first born and send it to their father’s device to show them. Call them as much as possible to assure them that you still love and care for them very much, as you do for the new member of the family. Your first born will appreciate a video call from you showing them the new baby as well.
When baby comes home
Some children become jealous or even aggressive. If you are worried about your child’s behaviour, rather make an appointment at a play therapist to help her to adjust to the changes and deal with her emotions. She might show some signs of regression like drinking from a bottle again or wetting herself. This is her way of handling the changes. But children tend to adapt and there are things you can also do to make the transition smooth:
- Make time to give your first-born undivided attention even if you must ask a close family member to babysit for a little while.
- Set clear boundaries so that they know what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. If you don’t, they might want to test the boundaries to see what you are going to allow.
- Be patient and give them lots of love. Shower them with lots of hugs.
- Allow her to lead and show the baby your house.
- Involve your child in caring for the baby. Ask for their input on what the baby should wear. If they are old enough, let her help you with bath-time, dressing the baby etc.
Adventure awaits
It might seem like a lot of work at first and emotionally draining sometimes, but wait until they are in their room and playing together one day. The work you put in will be worth it. When you look back, you will realise just how fast they grow.
