As your child grows into a teen, there will come a time where they identify more with their friends than you as the parent. This can be attributed to the generation gap and it is absolutely normal. During this stage, your children starts thinking you are not cool enough and will want to do things their way, sometimes with the influence of their friends. This influence, called peer pressure, can be good or bad.
Allow them to make mistakes
Talk to your children about peer pressure and emphasise that they need to be independent. You may not be able to stop your child from making mistakes, but you can take comfort in knowing that you have taught them about what is right from wrong. If they make a mistake and manage to learn from their mistakes, then that is a good thing because they will emerge wiser. Your child must understand that you will not accept, “I did it because everyone else did it,” as an excuse for any misdemeanour.
Teach your child about values
Teaching and imparting values is important as it can help your child in decision making and problem solving. Values also help your child distinguish what is wrong and what is right and take a decision aligned to what you teach them at home. As a parent you also need to help your child understand that each individual is different and special and that we each have our own set of priorities, our own rights and wrongs, family background, culture and most importantly, our own thought processes. As a parent highlight from early on that everyone comes with a different set of goals and priorities – and that their friends’ priorities should not necessarily become their priorities.
Keep full track of their circle of friends
Fact: Bad peer pressure comes with bad friends. Be an involved parent and keep track of all those in your child’s circle of friends, especially those who are influential on your child. Be up-to-date with what is going on in their school and social life. The bottom line is to be fully aware of what is going on in their lives. If they get into smoking or drinking, show them a movie or a real life example of the disastrous effects of alcohol, instead of giving them a lecture and scolding. Try your best not to suddenly restrict or ground them. The best way is to talk the situation through with them. Be your child’s friends, but maintain balance between being friends and a parent. Your child will need to respect you, but not to fear you. The gap that develops between parents and children creeps in very slowly. Be alert, identify it when it starts and deal with it as soon as possible.
Save the rod, nurture the child
Back in the day, there was a firm belief that when you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Hence when you derailed as a child, your parents would beat you up. Corporal punishment was allowed back then but times have changed and children deal with issues differently. Because of this influence on your life, at some time or another, you may feel that your child might need a smack or two to bring them back to their senses. This is not the way to deal with parenting issues. Teenagers tend to feel that they are right and their parents are wrong, old-fashioned and stupid. By disciplining your children physically, you will clearly just be confirming their doubts. Talk to them as much as you can and be as open as possible.
Set an example for your child
If you preach one thing and do another, what do you expect your child to learn? If you make bad decisions, your child is likely to follow suit. The best gift that you, as a parent, can give your children is to set a good example. If you endeavour to live a clean and healthy life with sound principles and good morals, your children will stand a better chance at making a positive contribution to society by becoming mature and responsible adults themselves.
