Hearing your child is being bullied at school is heartbreaking. Hearing your child is the one doing the bullying can be even more devastating! No parent wants to hear that her child is a bully. It’s painful to think of your child inflicting harm on other kids. But bullying is also a serious issue for the aggressor.
Why is your child a bully?
It’s essential to keep in mind that kids don’t bully because they are bad kids. More often than not, a child who is bullying other children is copying behaviour they have seen before. Children learn from observing how adults interact with each other. Children exposed to aggressive or unkind interactions at home are likely to repeat those behaviors at school. If there is a culture of “my way or the highway” at home, then this will be normalised behaviour for the child. Parents have a direct influence on their children, whether they admit it or not. Bullying also stems from the absence of social skills. Some children have issues that inhibit them from learning these skills. So special attention has to be paid to them, or else they will navigate social settings as they see fit – and most times, without the right tools. Once you have investigated the roots of the problem, you can tailor your response to the specific challenges that your child faces in their social interactions.
What you can do
The most important value you can teach your children is integrity and accountability. Integrity teaches them to do what is right, even when no one is watching, and accountability teaches them to take responsibility when they are wrong and fix their wrongs. As a parent, you need to emphasise that everyone needs to be accountable for how they behave at home, in the playground, and at school. If they are showing the behaviour of bullying at home, make them responsible for it. If you receive a phone call from the school or a parent, do not make excuses for your child. They need to be accountable for what they do and apologise if they are wrong. After all, charity begins at home. Remember that a bully will always play the victim – they feel it is never their fault. You are doing more harm than good when you make excuses for your child. They need to be held responsible for their behaviour. Encouraging your child to take the perspective of the person who is being bullied can help.
Your child must manage their emotions
What you teach your child at home will reflect through their actions in the outside world. It is your responsibility to teach your children the right way of managing their emotions or frustrations. If they are used to getting their way when throwing a tantrum at home, they will also act out at school when they aren’t getting their way. Teach them healthy ways of managing conflict. Rather than acting on impulse, they need to learn to take a step back before they are mean or hit someone. Bullying others does not necessarily mean that your child is a horrible person. Kids sometimes have underlying behavioural or social issues that they need help with before it trickles into their adult lives.
