The impact of setting high expectations for your children
With the ever increasing pressures that are placed on children in today’s society, is setting high expectations for our children beneficial to them or counterproductive to their wellbeing?
Counselling psychologist, Stefania Romanini, said that according to research published by the American Psychological Association, when parents have high hopes for their children’s academic achievement, children tend to do better in school, unless those hopes are unrealistic or unattainable, in which case children may not perform well in school.
“So, when parents have realistic expectations this can foster an increase in the child’s self-esteem and encourage healthy development.
“On the contrary, putting too much pressure on a child can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and can negatively impact their sense of self-worth, especially when they are not able to meet these expectations,” said Romanini.
This may also lead to them labelling themselves as a failure or cause them to want to give up easily. Placing high expectations on children removes their sense of control and ownership as they tend to have no say in the matter.
According to Romanini the key is to develop a clear understanding of your child’s abilities and strengths so as to encourage them to reach their potential and nurture their strengths.
“Furthermore, setting goals with your child instead of for your child will allow them to take ownership over their lives as well as allow them to feel more supported. This should also include making them aware that mistakes and setbacks are a normal part of life and that these will be accepted and not criticised.”
A focus on life skills, such as a strong work ethic and being accountable for their actions are also important components, rather than merely focusing on academic achievement.
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Balance is key as this will provide your child with skills that can be utilised throughout their lives.
Romanini added that attention should also be given to the process rather than just the outcome as it is the process that will determine whether your child will achieve their goals or not.
“Let us not forget that childhood is not merely about achieving, but about learning, exploring, growing, and understanding the world.
It is therefore imperative, as parents, to be mindful of the expectations you have placed on your children and the implications of these to their overall well-being.”
