Feather Awards honour Vosloorus father

Father of three, Abraham Sebidi (63) from Ext 14, Vosloorus, was held in great respect when he received an award for best rainbow parenting at the Feather Awards at the Market Theatre, Johannesburg, on November 9.

Sebidi is the father of Dimakatso, Tebogo and Mathapelo.

After his first daughter Dimakatso was born at Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital, Soweto, on April 1, 1983, he and his late wife, Yvonne, found she was born with ambiguous intersex.

Intersex individuals are born with sex traits such as sexual anatomy, reproductive organs, hormone patterns or chromosomal patterns that do not correspond to the traditional binary concepts of male or female bodies.

In Dimakatso’s case, she was born with two genitals, both male and female sexual organs. At the time, the family refused to have one of the two removed because they wanted their child to make her decision as an adult.

Sebidi won the award for the sacrifices he made in ensuring his daughter lived a normal life and the supportive role he played.

He was nominated with Zodwa Ranynyadi from Soweto and Nandipha Jovuka from the Eastern Cape.
The trio all won after the judges had the difficult task of choosing one winner.

According to Sebidi, they expected a girl child based on the sonographic gender determination and prediction by experienced elderly people.

As excited first-time parents, Sebidi and his wife started buying female clothing for their child. They planned to name their child Matsidiso, named after her grandmother.

“On the day she was born, I was coming from work. Upon arrival, I was told that the baby’s name would not use the initial name as planned, but she would be named Dimakatso.

“They called me to the side to explain the baby’s condition after birth. I was in disbelief, then suddenly remembered that it was April 1, and thought to myself, ‘Maybe this is an April Fool’s Day prank’,” said Sebidi.

He said they went to the hospital, and doctors explained the child’s condition, and he knew that intersex existed.

“I knew it existed because I know that you can have a male genital organ and later develop female breasts or have female genitals without developing breasts. I did not know a person could have both male and female genital organs.”

He said the doctors arranged another check-up to provide a detailed explanation and a way forward.

“They said the best thing they could do is admit the baby to monitor her and determine which of the two genital organs was more dominant”, he added.

The then-new parents had to separate from the child, losing their bonding moments with their newborn child.

“We had to visit her every day at the hospital. Over time, the doctors found that the more dominant organ was the female genitalia.

“We told the doctors we did not want to remove the male organ because we wanted her to make her own decision when she was old enough. We requested the doctor to tuck in the less dominant organ, but she had to attend surgeries.”

He said he accompanied her for surgeries, but, unfortunately, at the time, he was employed. However, his late wife and a family friend, Thandi Maleka, were supportive and hands-on.

Maleka accompanied Yvonne to every check-up and surgery session since the child’s admission.

“As a child, Dimakatso did not notice she was different. When she started primary school, we had to visit the school to explain her situation so they were not taken by surprise should anything happen while she was there.

“However, she was still young. Her body was not through the changes when she reached puberty.”

He shared that while growing up, Dimakatso befriended boys mostly. But over time, she eventually noticed other girls were having periods at school, but for her, it was a different story.

“That is when she started asking questions. As her parents, we had to sit her down and explain her condition.
“Growing up, she never had any challenges with her tucked-in male genitals until she was in her late 20s and started experiencing some pains,” he explained.

“At least at that time, she knew her body. We continued supporting her and took her to doctors, and when they accessed her, they did not find any problem.

“She attended many operations. It was excruciating, but with our support, she never felt different or alone. Even before she was an adult, I ensured I provided her with everything. I did not want to give her a reason to question anything,” he noted.

Sebidi described Dimakatso as a peaceful soul, saying they never received any complaints that she had fought, assaulted or was assaulted by other children.

“When my wife passed on 11 years ago, I took over. I used to accompany her to her interviews or when she was called to give motivational talks at school.”

Challenges

Sebidi said the community, family members and relatives were all supportive.

He believes that the support they gave Dimakatso motivated many parents to accept and raise their children with love, no matter what.

“The only time we experienced challenges was when we attended church sometimes because religious people did not accept the situation as it was. They would say this was not God’s doing and accuse us of being demonic.”

He said Dimakatso’s situation made more people come out because people going through the same journey kept it a secret.

“When she appeared on TV interviews, more people could see those with similar challenges coming out,” he added.

“My daughter changed my life. She was an eye-opener. I used to drink a lot, and when she was seven, I started changing my life. I went back to church and I was born again.

“But there were many challenges at church. They would preach about the child’s condition, but it never got to me. I trusted God.”

He said he was also affected financially but did not notice then because he was employed.

It only got to him later, and he wondered how he would handle the situation if unemployed.

“It could have been worse. It could have made the child realise there is something wrong with her. Because if I was unemployed, the support was not going to be the same, and it could have caused her to commit suicide or give herself to drugs and substances. I thank God for helping me.”

Sebidi said he raised his eyebrows in disbelief after being nominated for the award, and it did not matter whether he won or not, saying the nomination alone was enough.

“When they called my name on stage during the award ceremony, I felt exceedingly light, but when I got on stage, something happened. I do not know how.

“I felt like a spirit came to me. I did not see or hear myself. Someone said to me I was called to collect my award, and I wanted to turn the award ceremony into a pulpit,” said Sebidi as he laughed.

“But it was all about thanking God for what he has done. I was amazed by what God has done for me.”

Sebidi offers motivational talks whenever he is invited. For more information, call Sebidi on 063 667 1135.