Kathy’s Window: Shopping for clothes when you’re fat – without spiralling

An over-50 Generation Xer sees life through a new lens: Kathy’s Window is where Kathy shares her thoughts on the world through a new lens. From growing up in the 70s and 80s to having three Generation-Z kids, and going through certain experiences in her life, she now sees the world in a different way. Ideas that were considered the norm in the 70s, 80s and 90s are now no longer socially relevant or acceptable. Kathy explores the new ideas through the lens of someone who has been on both sides of the ‘glass’.

AS a fat / plus-sized person, shopping for new clothes can be a daunting and sometimes deeply triggering experience. Not only do you have to look at the larger sizes which remind you of your body size – no matter how far you’ve come in the area of self-acceptance, it’s still hard to feel totally comfortable in your body when society deems it as less-than-worthy, unhealthy or downright gross. Yes, people are starting to change and let go of fatphobia, but the message about how oppressive and discriminating the attitude of fatphobia is has not become widespread enough yet. Look at the media – most celebrities are still all straight-sized – and weight-loss adverts are still touted continuously. Wellness and ‘health’ gurus go on and on about weight loss and staying in shape.

Also read: Kathy’s Window: 5 ways to get rid of internalised fatphobia

So, yes, even going to the bigger-size rack can be daunting, if not just in your thoughts, but also if others are watching.

Then there is the whole thing about sizes being inconsistent, where at one store, you are a size Medium and at another store, a size XXXL – that’s happened to me!

Last but not least, the way you look naked or semi-naked in the mirror under the harsh lights of the fitting room – it’s not for the faint-hearted.

So, how do you make the shopping experience less stressful? Here are some tips and a bit of assurance and encouraging advice:

About clothes sizes

It helps to be aware that there isn’t a standardised sizing but rather a range that clothes can be in, and clothing items aren’t checked that they stick to certain lengths, widths, etc. Manufacturers can get away with plenty of leeway.

And well, you are not your clothing size; you are you with all your unique skills, foibles, faults, sensitivities, sweetnesses, funny parts, beauty, wisdom and life experiences that are distinct to you. You are a whole being of magnificence. Remember that!

Also read: I was fatphobic, and now, I’m fat

Buying a size too small to fit into a certain number will end up being more stressful in the long run. There is nothing like wearing something too tight that reminds you continually during the day that you are fat. Wearing something too tight is uncomfortable, you have to keep on adjusting your clothes, and it’s just a reminder that you don’t fit this desired size that you have in your mind as good enough. I try to buy my size or even a bit bigger (and use a belt or take it in) so I don’t ‘feel fat’ by having something tight and this pressure on parts of my body. Yes, we should be above those worries of ‘feeling fat’, but who of us is there yet? We can work on it though.

Wearing comfortable clothes with stretch also helps, such as leggings and cycle shorts. If you need to dress up smart, buy a dress with a bit of lycra in it that has some stretch to go over the bulgy, wobbly bits.

Remember that clothes are supposed to be made to fit you – not the other way around. If retail stores don’t have your size, that is their problem and deficiency, not yours. Plus-size people make up a decent percentage of the population, and if certain brands cannot cater for them – and cater decent, stylish clothes for them – they are the ones with the size discrimination issues. And, well, they are cutting off their nose to spite their face – they are missing out on the plentiful sales they could be making if they made fashionable and cute clothing in all sizes.

If you struggle to find clothes that fit a certain part of your body, you can buy a bigger size and get them tailored or adjusted by a seamstress to fit. Or sew them yourself. I have quite a large stomach, so something will fit me around my waist but then swim around my legs. It’s a bit of a pain, but sometimes you have to make an adjustment. Maybe one day, they will have AI that can measure us up and have clothes produced that fit us perfectly.

That awful fitting-room mirror

Come to terms with the fact that no one looks good in a fitting room – it’s just one of those things. I hated them when I was skinny, and I hate them now. I make a point of not sizing myself up in the fitting room; I don’t stare at my thunder thighs or my bulging stomach, but I check out the clothing to see how it makes me feel and whether it enhances my features.

If you use your time in the fitting room to mourn over any weight you may have put on a specific part of your body, you’re just going to leave feeling depressed and maybe spiral into diet mentality and then down the disordered eating route. Clothes shopping should be a treat – a chance to spoil yourself with something that makes you feel good, not bad.

Also read: Kathy’s Window: Why the Body Mass Index (BMI) is bull and racist

Instead, focus on the clothes.

If fitting rooms trigger you too much, you could always buy the clothes, try them on at home, and then return or swap them out if they don’t fit. Ordering online is even less triggering to your sense of self-worth in public, but be aware that it’s even harder to find your size when searching for clothes online, and unless the retailer has a very generous return policy, you may have to pay extra for postage, etc, should you need to return them if they don’t fit.

I enjoy buying second-hand clothes online but end up giving a fair amount to charity as they don’t fit. Thankfully, I pay about a third or even less of the price of new clothes for them – the benefit, they are unique and it saves the environment. What’s great about second-hand clothes is that if you do change sizes due to things happening in your life, for example, perimenopause, menopause, childbirth, pregnancy and illness, it’s inexpensive to buy new items for your wardrobe.

Mental health matters more

Don’t forget – your mental health matters way more than the size of your clothes. Make dressing up a pleasure instead of a dread. Learn to appreciate your size by following plus-size models on social media and shopping at online retailers that have plus-size models who look good in their clothes. Read up on anti-diet-culture information, eg, from dietitians like Finding Food Freedom, Happy Strong Healthy, the Menopause Nutritionist and influencers like the Fat Doctor and Fierce Fatty. I love the way Fierce Fatty celebrates who she is!

Remember, you matter, and being stylish is a right that anyone of any size deserves.

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