Dealing with grief

HUMAN beings are social beings – we interact with different people in our lives and form attachments and relationships. It is also part of life that we lose these people we have formed relationships with, whether in the form of death, break-up, and/or distance. In this series of Mental Health Matters, we will be zooming in on grief: defining grief, the stages of grief, and how to deal with this event in one’s life. It is also important to emphasise that grief is not limited to loss.

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Society has risen to heights in acknowledging mental health matters, and resources have been made available to help people with different struggles. We have gathered information from different online support groups to give insight into our grief topic. 

The Mayo Clinic describes grief as a natural reaction to loss that is either a universal or personal experience. “Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss. Some examples of loss include the death of a loved one, the ending of an important relationship, job loss, loss through theft, or the loss of independence through disability.

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“The symptoms of grief can be: feeling numb and removed from daily life or unable to carry on with regular duties while saddled with the sense of loss,” they add.

While grief is a personal experience, you can identify or, better yet, diagnose it using the symptoms or stages. Maman Brigitte Lehoux briefly takes us through the five stages of grief, which are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

Denial is the normal reaction our body uses as a defence mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss. This is followed by anger when the pain of the loss starts settling in, and it can be directed towards others, yourself or life. Bargaining is when you try to minimise or postpone your sadness by creating scenarios. “You may also feel guilt or responsibility, leading you to bargain,” she stated.  

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Depression is the realisation of the reality and the true extent of the loss. “As the loss feels more present and unavoidable, you feel depressed. An intense sadness usually overshadows all areas of life.” 

The final stage is acceptance when the pain resides, and you can envisage your life with the new reality. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, it is advisable for those grieving to realise they can’t control the process and to prepare for the varying stages of grief. “Understanding why you are suffering can help, as can talking to others and trying to resolve issues that cause significant emotional pain.”

There are various groups that people can join to share their grief in an attempt to heal and move on from their loss. South Africa is home to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, a 24-hour helpline for people who are dealing with mental health issues. The number is 0800 456 789. Help is also available on their website: https://www.sadag.org