WITH the discipline of children in the home recently becoming a hot topic of conversation following the ruling of South Africa’s Constitutional Court that parents are not entitled to administer “moderate and reasonable chastisement” in the form of corporal punishment, we asked some experts in child-rearing for their take on discipline in homes.
As the Highway Mail reported in its 27 September publication, page 3 report under the headline, “The big anti-spanking rule debate” the Constitutional Court earlier this month ruled that corporal punishment is illegal in South African homes.
Chief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng upheld a 2017 high court ruling which made it illegal for parents to spank their children at home despite an appeal of the ruling brought by civil society group Freedom of Religion South Africa, arguing that the judgment would make criminals of well-meaning parents.
ALSO READ: The anti-spanking rule debate
Meanwhile, Vanessa Theophilus, director at Ethelbert Child and Youth Care Centre (ECYCC), has shared the reasoning she and the staff of the home for children subscribe to.
“Contrary to popular belief, controlling our children is not the most effective parenting strategy. Whilst it may offer immediate results similar to the ‘because I said so’ response many offer their children – it often creates resentment,” said Theophilus who manages the day-to-day workings of the home, which cares for 65 children.
Theophilus said while corporal punishment or shouting causes remorse for wrong deeds it isn’t helpful or beneficial to the child.
“The sincere remorse is often short-lived and children don’t really learn anything from the discipline or instruction they receive,” she said.
“Basically, there are better and more respectful ways to teach children how to behave through a positive approach.”
Why discipline?
Theophilus said the main reason children need to learn discipline is because of their need to still fully develop certain cognitive skills.
“The difference between children and adults, and the reason they need discipline is that they have not fully cognitively developed to use problem-solving skills, have empathy and genuinely acknowledge the advice of their moral centres,” she said.
For this reason, Theophilus said the role of a parent-figure is to help children to develop desirable characteristics and learn to monitor their own choices.
However, many parents often feel desperate and wonder “how do we help our children do this?”
Theophilus has a simple answer to a seemingly complex question:
“We teach them. That’s what the word “discipline” means after all,” she said. “Teaching is a process and it takes and needs lots of positive feedback, and practice for children to learn positive behaviours. Patience is a virtue – and positive parents need a lot of it!” she laughed.
Theophilus is the first to admit that positive discipline cannot be described as “easy”.
“It takes skills, knowledge and time. However, the benefits far outweigh more controlling parenting approaches and once learned, life with children becomes far easier, enjoyable and even peaceful,” she said.
“When we take the time to really respect our children and to teach them how to be, we are doing the best we can to ensure their lifelong emotional health, happiness and security with themselves.”
ECYCC was recently given an award by the KZN Province and eThekwini Municipality, along with one of their social workers, who was also lauded for her tireless work in her field.
ALSO READ: Ethelbert rated best children’s home
Theophilus and her staff will be regularly sharing their advice for parents who may be struggling with issues in this exclusive online column each Monday morning on highwaymail.co.za.
Next week Theophilus will give 10 tips for parents to apply for positive discipline.
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