Steps men can take to fight the GBV culture

It is indeed true and unfortunate that gender-based violence in South Africa and globally is a horrific issue that is affecting the lives of many women and girls. In this piece, we want to educate men on some of the steps they can take in order to fight the GBV culture because to end a pandemic like this; we need to do it together. Stop sexualising women and girls There’s a huge difference between being attracted to women and seeing them as objects for sex. Women are human beings, and they should be treated as such. Learn and teach other men to accept when a woman says no If a woman says no to sex, going on dates or being in a relationship with you, then accept her wishes from the get-go and leave her alone. If she changes her mind, then let her decide because it’s her choice. Remember that persistence is not always welcomed, especially if it’s violent or forceful. If you know any other men who refuse to take no for an answer, then be the one to teach them that it’s not okay. Don’t be a GBV apologist If you know someone that’s a sexual offender, abuser or perpetrator, call him out and unfriend him. In that moment, you hold power as a witness to their victims who need you to be the one to affirm their truth. Don’t animalise male sexual drives Everyone can control their sexual urges and anyone who says they can’t just doesn’t want to. When we animalise male sexual drives, we normalise not holding men accountable for their sexual abuse. Stop harassing women Whether it’s on social media, at the mall, office or streets – no form of harassment is acceptable. Even if you’re not one to harass women, stop other men from doing so when you see it happens. Normalise treating women with respect no matter what they wear Why should women be verbally and sexually abused because they chose to wear an outfit they liked? You are part of the problem if you treat women as sexual objects because of what they’re wearing. Treat women like the human beings they are. Normalise believing women when they speak out about their abuse The last thing any woman needs is more pain caused by the public not believing her after suffering abuse. It takes a lot of courage for women to speak out about abuse and while there may be a small percentage of false claims of sexual and physical violence, that does not change the fact that women are abused every second, minute and day. Think about that the next time a victim comes forward. Get help for your problems and deal with them If you have anger, depression, unresolved childhood trauma, or self-esteem issues, then get help. It is not fair to victimise women for your inability to deal with your problems. For instance, how many times have you heard,” he’s abusive because he grew up in an abusive home”? While childhood trauma may play a factor, this should not be an excuse and men need to be held accountable for their actions. Getting the help you need will help you heal and be a better person for yourself and the world. Stop saying “not all men” We all know that not every man in the country commits gender-based violence, however, that’s not the point. The anti-GBV movement is not a movement against men; it’s aimed at the men who are abusers, rapists, sexual offenders and murderers so you shouldn’t be defending yourself if you’re not being attacked. When you say “not all men” you undermine the systematic issue of gender-based violence because fighting the GBV culture requires collective accountability by all men. Men are the main perpetrators of GBV, you are part of circles that women are not. You are the fathers and uncles that are raising sons, and you are the witnesses of thoughts and conversations that become a problem in the first place. Yes, you’re not all rapists, sexual offenders, abusers or murderers but all men need to take responsibility. It starts with you. For more information on GBV, read the basic facts about women abuse. JOKO has partnered with POWA on the ‘#EndDomesticSilence’ initiative to empower women to speak out against domestic violence in South Africa. They donate R1 from every pack to POWA which amounts to R5 million every year to help create safe spaces where victims of domestic violence can end the silence and end the violence.