Thanks to the Washington Post’s yearly neoloism contest, where readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words, we have a long list to read and enjoy.
Here goes…
1. COFFEE (n): The person upon whom one coughs.
2. FLABBERGASTED (adj): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. ABDICATE (v): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. ESPLANADE (v): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. WILLY-NILLY (adj): Impotent.
6. NEGLIGENT (adj): Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. LYMPH (v): To walk with a lisp.
8. GARGOYLE (n): Gross, olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. FLATULENCE (n): Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. BALDERDASH (n): A rapidly receding hairline.
11. RECTITUDE (n): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. POKEMON (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.
13. CIRCUMVENT (n): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
14. FRISBEETARIANSIM (n): The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
