Ways to deal with rowdy, disruptive neighbours

Here are some tips but please understand the writers of this are not responsible for any death, injury, ear damage or any other damage caused as a result of following one or more of these tips…

1. The best way to deal with rowdy neighbours is, of course, not have any and move to the Karoo where your only neighbour is a merino sheep and a telegraph pole.

2. When your neighbour plays loud music late at night, counter it with the Best of Iron Maiden.

3. Should this not work, play Barry Manilow super loud, hit the repeat button and then move out to a B and B for the night.

4. When your neighbours have a domestic fight loud enough for you to hear every nasty word, join in by shouting out incriminating statements and picking sides. Make sure you are wearing a crash helmet.

5. When your neighbours have a drunken braai, sabotage them by sending in your dogs to nick the meat off the braai.

6. When you hear that your neighbours are planning yet another noisy party, invite yourself – that way you can both irritate the other neighbour.

7. When your neighbour decides to rev the 10-ton truck that is illegally parked in his garden right next to your bedroom, contact those party guys from the Kallies Stadium (remember them? They kept the whole town up last year with a sound system that put would have put the loudest Who concert to shame) and blast that revving truck out of the night air.

8. When the neighours party goes on and on with repetitive songs after 2 am go to the substation outside and blow it up. Everything stops then.

9. When your neighbour talks really loud on a cellphone in the garden when you are watching the big game on your TV and you cannot even hear the commentary in your own lounge, open the window and shout out very loud ‘your wife is in here’.

10. Noisy children next door? Read them horror stories. Just get a copy of the Standard and Poore report on the SA economy.